A mom writes in asking for advice. Recently she and her husband got into a very violent fight. Since then, she wonders if she needs to file a restraining order. They have a young son, but he has never hurt him before. She doesn’t want her son and father to be separated, but she doesn’t want to get hurt again. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’ve been married for four years, and it’s been a toxic relationship. We have a two-year-old son. A few nights ago, we got into a fight, and it became physical, and he was threatening to kill all my family members and me. The fight started because I came home from work and my son was on the toilet because my husband was trying to get him to go to the bathroom. My son was on the toilet for a couple of minutes just crying, and I said to my husband maybe he doesn’t need to poop.
My husband got mad at me for this, and I yelled at him, and that pissed him off. When I went to get my son off of the toilet, he shoved me out of the way with his shoulder. I took my son after that and put him in our bedroom with the tv on and shut the door, and went into the living room to talk to my husband. He was angry and not listening to what I was trying to say, so I gave up and went into our room. He followed me in and started yelling at me in front of our son. I tried to push him out of the room, and he pushed me back, and I slapped him in the face. Then he kicked me in the legs.
After that, I took my son to my brothers to have dinner with him and my family. I came back home after dinner, and my husband was clearly drunk and I tried to ignore him. I went into our room to get away from him, and he started yelling and banging on the bedroom door. I was on the phone with my mom and he came into the room and took the phone away from me and started yelling at my mother and was threatening to kill my family. I tried to get my phone back but he wouldn’t give it back.
I tried to get away from him and he shoved me against the wall and was yelling in my face trying to provoke me to slap him again and saying that he would kill me and he put his hand around my throat. He finally left me alone and I called my dad to come over because I wanted to leave with my son but I was afraid he wouldn’t let me. My dad came over. My husband left and I called the cops and filed a report. Because I didn’t show them the bruise on my leg they didn’t arrest him but the police and DCF think I should file a restraining order.
My husband is now in the hospital because he checked himself in that night and his mother convinced him to go stay with her so I can stay at our apartment. He’s going to be going to anger management every week and AA. I don’t know what I should do. I feel hesitant about filing a restraining order. He’s never once laid a hand on our son and I don’t want to keep him away from his son forever.
I also don’t want my son to be in danger but I’m not sure that he would ever do anything to our son. I told his mom that the police think I should file a restraining order and she got mad at me and said it would make things worse. I need advice on what to do. Should I file a restraining order?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Had a Violent Fight With Her Husband
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Many commenters agreed that she should file a restraining order on her husband. One said, “File the restraining order! His mother is trying to protect her son. It is your responsibility to protect yours!” Another commenter agreed, “You should file a restraining order. The relationship is toxic. You need to work on you and your son. You and your son should go to some therapy. Things like this traumatize children.”
Others felt like they are both abusive and need help. One said, “Your son should not have witnessed that from either one of his parents. You both sounds as toxic and physical as each other so I would suggest you stay away from each other for a while and you both get therapy by yourselves and then together but that’s if you both want to save this ‘relationship’.”
Some shared personal experiences. One said, “File the order get your son out of that environment. As someone who witnessed things like that when I was young, I’m still messed up at almost 30.” Another advised, “You most definitely need to file a restraining order. My ex-husband was the same way. For years he took it out on me and then one day it turned into taking it out on my oldest. That’s the day I called the cops and got him arrested. Get out now and leave while you can.”
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