My Husband Abused Me; Now We are in Counseling, Trying to Work it Out: is it Worth it?

My Husband Abused Me. Now We are in Counseling Trying to Work it Out: Is It Worth it?

A mom writes in asking for advice. Her husband has been physically abusive in the past. Now they are going to counseling to try to work it out. After the abuse occurred, they separated for five months. They still love each other so much, so they want to make it work. Her family is having issues forgiving him and moving on. She wonders if it is all even worth it sometimes. Any advice for this mom?

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A member of the community asks:

“Has anyone stayed with their husband after he was physically abusive? My husband was physically abusive to me, and we have been separated for five months. We have talked about getting back together. Now, we are going to counseling, together and separately. We love each other so much and talk about how great life was before all of this happened, and we both want it back. My family hates him for what he has done, and they don’t want anything to do with him. But, I think if I’m willing to forgive him then, so should they. We are taking the right steps to get help and advice, but I want my family to like him again. He’s a good guy just made bad decisions.”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Wondering About Her Marriage

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is a victim or survivor of domestic abuse, you are not alone. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or chat online 24/7 at hotline.org.

Most of the commenters felt like she should leave her husband since he abused her, even though they are trying counseling. One shared, “It’ll never stop. He will never change. Don’t do this to yourself or your family. Why on earth would you want to put yourself through that again?” Another agreed, “If he loved you so much he would never have hit you. Some abusive men just go to counseling to get you back, not to get better. Don’t fall for it.”

Many other commenters gave their own personal experience with going to counseling after their husband’s abused them. One commented, “Mine hit me too, in front of my daughter. My husband said he’d go to counseling and that’d he’d stop and he’s sorry. My divorce will be final in December and honestly, it’s not so bad. I deserve better and my daughter does too!” Another shared, “My best friend was in the same situation as you are. They were separated for 1.5 years. She went back to him for the sake of her kids and believing that he had changed. It was good for a while. She was loved and felt loved. Then he hit her again.”

Ultimately they said it was up to her. One said, “I honestly don’t know if he can be trusted, but people can change. It’s up to you if you want to take the risk to find out if he’s changed. It’s a dangerous gamble, but he’s already come so far.” Another agreed, “If you forgive him that is your choice. Just make sure you aren’t putting your children at risk.” One said, “If you can work it out, it is up to you. You are the one that chooses to live with him. If he treats you well then that’s what matters.”

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