My Mom Abandoned Our Family After 30 Years: How do I Cope?

A mom writes in asking for advice. Her mother abandoned their family after 30 years, and she wonders how to cope with that. She has two other siblings, and all three of them are deeply hurt and don’t know what to do. Her father is also really struggling. One day, her mother said she was unhappy and just up and left and now won’t come back. Any advice for this mom?

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A member of the community asks:

“I need some advice! I’m a wife and a mom of 3. My parents were together for almost 30 years. Two days ago, my mother up and leaves my father. Not just leaves but disappears. She basically abandoned us all saying that she’s unhappy and left. She doesn’t want to come back, and it doesn’t really bother her that we’re all hurting. My older sister and younger brother are just as broken as I am. My father is a wreck, and we all have to figure out how to tell our kid’s shes gone. So, I don’t know how to cope with this. I can barely think straight. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with this?”

 Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Grieving for Her Mom

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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The advice for the OP was pretty split. Many felt that the mother had not abandoned her family, but just needed time to cope and be on her own. One said, “You’re a mother too, and I’m sure you have bad days because I am, and I do too! Maybe 30 years of it caught up to her. She will come back, and maybe she’s just taking a much needed vacation into her own hands. I wouldn’t tell your children just yet.”

Multiple commenters felt that she just needed to give her space to relax. One said, “She could be going through something mentally. Give her space.” Another agreed, “Your mom has her reasons! Maybe you should reach out to her first and see if she needs anything. Most women don’t take drastic measures without good reason! Maybe she finally needs to do something for herself!” One commented, “Your mom spent 30 years taking care of others. Give her time and space to take care of herself and let her work through whatever she is going through.”

Others felt that it was not enough time that her mom has been gone to consider it abandoning her family. One shared, “It’s been two days, so give her some space. She may have been unhappy for a while and stayed in the marriage for the sake of her children. She probably needs a nice long vacation away from everyone.” Another said, “Let your mom figure things out. I don’t know the circumstances, but sometimes parents stay together for the kids. You’re all grown. She needed to get away. She’ll probably get in touch with you when she’s done healing.”

Some shared similar experiences as well. One said, “This exact thing happened to me with my mom doing this exact same thing to my dad after 30 years as well, so I know how you feel. It took a long time for my dad to get over it but he has finally moved on with someone else.”

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