When it comes to babies, some families want a brood. Others are “One and Done,” aka “After the first kid, we’re done having kids.” So what do you do if you’re a One-and-Done family, but your family and friends keep pressuring you to have more?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of the Mamas Uncut Facebook community asks:
Are any mommas One-and-Done? If so, how do you deal with family and friends pressuring you to have another? We have a 3-year-old and no wishes to have another, yet everyone seems to think we need another one.
The community chimed in with some very good answers. Let’s take a look at some of the responses.
It’s Your Business, Not Theirs
“Lol, if they are having it for me, the baby will be welcome. But if not, I’d tell them to mind their own business.”
“Totally different, but I’m pregnant with number 6. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have or the age gaps. People just take it upon themselves to push their opinion onto you. Do what you want at the end of the day. It’s only you that has to deal with it. Everyone is different, and we want different things.”
“If they ain’t taking care of the child, they need to keep their mouths shut. That is what I told everyone after I had my daughter.”
Bluntness May Be Best
“Have had two, and my family used to try to pressure me into having another. I finally just had to be extremely blunt and said something crazy like, ‘I do NOT want any more kid. I don’t even want other people’s kids around me. I will shoot myself in the head before I have another baby.’ It worked.”
“Flat out tell them and say, ‘If you wanna have a baby, go get pregnant and don’t ask me again about another baby.”
“Tell them to f*** off unless they are willing to help raise and financially provide for your family. No one can dictate how many kids you have. You have to be ready for another.”
It’s Never Too Late…
“I was One and Done, and then 6 years later I got the surprise of a life time.”
“I was One and Done for 10 years. I was perfectly content with my one wonderful child. My husband wanted another one, and now I have a 12-year-old and a one-year-old. I never felt the need for another child, but now that I have both I couldn’t imagine not having both.”
“Take it as a compliment. They must think you are doing a good job. Or they would not be asking you those types of questions. I would tell people stuff like: ‘Aren’t you doll, but our hands are full.’ Or: ‘Thank you for the vote of confidence.’ Or: ‘Thanks for that, but we are enjoying ourselves as we are.’ Because you could change your mind. I did. We have 3 kids. They are 20, 13, and 12. I only wanted one. My husband only wanted one for years. Then we changed our minds.”
A Gold Star Excuse With the Perfect Hilarious Twist
“Tell them you aren’t open to the idea at this time. Or have him get a vasectomy, and when they ask, get a bit emotional and say, ‘Well, we can’t since the accident…”
All 100 percent solid advice! We agree that deciding to have another child is not to be taken lightly, and it is a decision only you and your partner can make. Family and friends will likely be supportive no matter what you decide, which is an important thing to remember. But it can be frustrating when they get caught up in the excitement, and their questions start to feel like pressure.
Try being honest and telling them you don’t want to have another, at least not now. Or come up with a good excuse that will get people off your back for good. It’s your decision, as it should be.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Matt is a writer, editor, and content strategist currently based in Washington state. He has worked as a managing editor for the iconic I Can Has Cheezburger, Celebuzz (a SpinMedia site), and now Mamas Uncut. He also acted as the Social Media Director for CafeMom.
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