Is It Rude or Presumptuous to Buy Food for My Daughter’s Friend’s ‘Less-Fortunate’ Family?

A mom writes in looking for advice: After her daughter visited a “less-fortunate” friend and noticed her family had no food in the fridge, she wants to know if it’s appropriate to buy groceries for the family.

Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!

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A member of the community asks:

My daughter has a friend who is less fortunate. She went over to her house the other day and noticed she didn’t have any food in her fridge. I was going to buy her some food from the store and give it to her and just say we accidentally bought extra. My husband says they will think that it would come off rude to give her a bag full of food. What do you guys think? Is there another way I can go about it. I feel bad and don’t mind buying extra food.

Mamas Uncut Community Member

Let’s see what the community had to say.

Buy Food for the Family


“I would buy her some food. The essentials: bread, milk, eggs, some lunch meat, peanut butter, and jelly, maybe some juice for the kids. Say thanks for having my daughter over. I help my friend out when I can, and she needs it! Nobody’s going to get mad when you’re helping feed their kids.”

“If she is without food, she will be thankful! Going hungry isn’t fun!! Nothing rude about it.”

“Been in that position as a kid. I go with the white lie of saying you bought too much. Buy fresh things like fruit and veggies, a loaf of bread. Things that will spoil so it’s a little less obvious.”

“Give it to her. It will be well received, I’m sure.”

“We wish you the best of luck, mama, and hope this advice was helpful!<

Consider an Alternative


“Gift cards seem appropriate.”

“Gift cards are anonymous. If you show up there with food, even if you say you bought too much, it will be embarrassing for them and it could be they just didn’t go shopping yet and they could get insulted by it.”

“My mom and I use to do stuff at Christmas but you can do it anytime. Wait till everyone is asleep put stuff at the door steep and it will be there when they wake up, no one will know who or why you did it.”

“If you’re in an area that delivers groceries, I think ordering and having them delivered there is a great idea.”

“The next time your daughter goes to stay at her house, send her with the bag of food then and tell them it’s snacks.”

Ask What the Family Needs


“Sit her down and talk to her like a real friend and see what’s up so that you can help.”

“Go talk to the parents and explain your concerns. Say you would like to help if that’s possible. Up front and honest.”

In Conclusion


The community seems pretty unanimous on this one. You should absolutely not feel rude for giving food to a family that may need it.

Several commenters suggested giving a grocery gift card instead. This would allow the family to buy what they want and need, and we agree it’s a good idea. Others suggested having groceries delivered, which is also a nice thought, and it’s more anonymous, which lessens the awkward factor for all involved.

Any way you cut it, it seems like you should not worry about appearing rude. Help the family out however you feel most comfortable. It’s a kindness that won’t go unnoticed. So no: it is not rude or presumptuous to buy a family food when they need it.

We wish you the best of luck, mama, and hope this advice was helpful!

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