A concerned mother writes in asking for advice on how she should handle her ex and how he is treating their child. She has called DHS/CPS for help.
A Community Member asks:
“My child went to her father’s last weekend for his visit. My child came back filthy dirty as usual. He had my child from Thursday to Sunday. He did not give my child a bath (this is very normal for him ), but this time was even worse. When my child came back to me, we met at our usual spot. My child was not in a seatbelt or car seat (child is 5). My child got out of the car, and I noticed bruises and marks all over her face (father did not say a word to me ).
When we got home, I took pictures of all the marks and bruises. I asked my child what happened and how she got hurt. The child said, “my daddy burnt me with cigarettes because he got really angry at me, then he threw me off the couch and punched me in the back “I was shocked and heartbroken. I called DSS Monday morning and told daycare what my child was saying (my child was not in the office when I told the director, she was already in the classroom). Well, the director called me a couple of hours later saying my child was very upset and scared and told the teachers the exact same thing my child told me.
They called DSS. They came out to daycare, and my child described and demonstrated with a pen how dad burnt her. So Tuesday comes around, and they told me to take my child to the ER after work to get examined by the forensic nurse. Well, we were there for almost 12 hours. My child told the nurses the exact same thing the child told me and daycare; the forensic nurse said her injuries are very consistent with what the child was saying . Detectives came to the hospital and took pictures and talked to us. Well, Wednesday, DSS issued a Safety plan where he is not allowed to have contact with my child, and neither is his family.
Well Wednesday, the grandfather shows up to my house, yelling at my daughter to get in the car and threatening me. My child was hiding behind me, screaming, “mommy don’t make me go; please don’t make me go!!” I called 911. Protective orders were issued against father and grandfather. Fathers mother is threatening me over social media. My child wakes up every night crying because she’s so scared. The father and his girlfriend have another very young child who is now in foster care because of the incident that happened to my child.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. I’m scared and heartbroken for my child. Do any of you mommas have any advice? I really want to try to get custody of their other child but don’t know where to start with any of this. I’m sorry this is really long but I just need kind words and advice. Thank you in advance! ( I used the word “child” for privacy reasons.“
Community Advice for the Concerned Mom Who Is Worried About the Care Her Ex Is Giving To Their Child
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this pregnant mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below
Read some of the community’s advice below.
“The grandparents would be taking your side and permanently banning their son from their lives if they wanted to see her. You are an amazing mother for protecting your baby and going the nine yards. You are protecting her and she doesn’t want to be near him anyways. Plus, let her know that a real man and father would never do that to his baby.”
“Reading this after watching the Gabriel documentary is so similar to what you are going through this truly breaks my heart but I’m so glad you did all the right things to protect your baby kudos to you mom even though you may feel you have no idea what to do … the only other thing I would suggest is to get you and your baby some counseling continue to protect your baby.. the best of wishes!!!“
“Love her…high her…reassure her often. Make sure the daycare and school all know the dad or anyone else other then you are NOT allowed near her or to pick her up. You have done everything right. Hugs to you mama for being strong and acting quickly. Maybe have her go talk to a child therapist, even just a few chats. I went to one as a kid…we did 5 sessions only, and it was the best thing my mother could have done for me. Keep being strong for her…keep that scum away from that sweet babe.“
“Keep doing what you’re doing to protect your little one. Don’t give in to pressure from anyone. If it feels wrong it is. Get yourself a ring doorbell if you can do you can have any at home confrontations recorded. Plus you can keep track of if any of them are doing threatening drive by’s.“
“I’m so thankful you listened to your child. How heartbreaking. I don’t think it would be wise to get the other child because that ties you to them. Maybe just keep in touch so the siblings can remain close. Prayers for your child. And you.“
“Point blankly ignore them. If you try to get your point across your only feeding their behavior! Look after your precious daughter and remember, DSS wouldn’t have taken the other child just based on your child’s word, they would have other concerns.”
This another situation in which I am so proud of our community and how they’ve responded. I have to say that I agree with the suggestions given. I don’t really have much to add. I think the main points I really liked were these four:
1) Be safe. Take all the precautions you can.
2) Let others know what is going on so that they don’t release your child to her father or his family.
3) Get counseling for you and your child.
4) Stay strong for your baby.
We send you our love and hugs.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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