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QUESTION: Am I wrong for inviting my boyfriend to my son’s practice if his dad won’t come if he is there?
“Am I in the wrong for allowing my boyfriend to come to my kid’s practice, despite their father saying he won’t go if my boyfriend is there? Background: My kids haven’t seen their father since Easter due to me taking the kids and calling child services on him. I have emergency temporary residential responsibility so he can still see them, but he has chosen not to speak to or see them until recently because we had court, and it was brought up. We are awaiting a ruling.
My son asked my boyfriend to come to his practice and also wants his father there. Am I a jerk for telling my ex to grow up and co-parent because I put my differences aside with his girlfriend whom he cheated on me with. My boyfriend is an amazing influence on my kids, and they love him. I don’t feel like my children should have to choose between the two because my ex is acting childish. I could use some help.”
RELATED: Q&A: I Really Need Advice For My Daughter’s Behavior
Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I say if your boyfriend is involved and he is willing to step up, then let him. It takes a village to raise a child. The more the merrier.”
“I would let your boyfriend come and let the father do whatever he’s going to do. You can’t control him and if he really cared about seeing his son he wouldn’t let you boyfriend being there stop him.”
“I say give both men the invitation and leave it at that… And your son will see whom is important in their life.”
“If their dad wanted to be there, he’d be there regardless of who you bring. It shouldn’t be about anything but your kid.”
“Don’t let that man control you, you are not together and you owe him nothing. Your son wants them both there and he will see who comes and who doesn’t.”
“Your son should invite who he wants to be there, those who care will show those who don’t won’t. I mean it’s not like he has to sit next to you, he just needs to be there to support his child. It’s the child’s choice a good dad would accept that and ignore his pride and go.”
“He’s just using him as an excuse to not go. He must not really want to go. He wants the children to blame “the other man” for his absence when most likely even if your SO wasn’t there he would still use him as an excuse. So I wouldn’t be playing that game. It’s about supporting the children so if he’s been invited by the child and he can go then he should go.”
“If your son wants your boyfriend there then I say let the boyfriend go. It’s not up to the father. Your child’s wishes should come first before the father and you. If the father doesn’t come because of the bf that’s just going to look bad on him and will push your child to have more of a friendship with your boyfriend.”
“He’s just trying to pick his control over a situation he doesn’t have control over any longer. Stick to the plan and have your bf come. Dad knows if he wants to come he can. Simple as that.”
“Invite him. If he chooses to not support his son thats on him. Itll hurt. But in time your son will understand its his dads choice to be a pos and you didn’t deny him opportunities to make memories with your son.”
“Let the father have the invite. What he chooses to do with it. Is on him. You stand up and be there for your son. No matter who else shows up.”
“I say invite him and make sure your son sees and hears you inviting him. If he doesn’t show it’s on him. Ball fields are quite large so it’s not like he has to sit right next to your or your bf. There’s plenty of space for everyone!”
“It sounds to me like your kid’s father feels replaced, and from the sounds of it, blaming it on anyone but his decisions.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but jealous parents who cannot see a true bonus parent as another person who has their child’s back will always muddy the water.
if he can come to terms with your bf, will he be a dad then? And food for thought: A parent who won’t do anything and everything to be close to their child never truly became a parent.”
“Your SON invited them both, you don’t “let” someone else come. If the dad chooses not to come that is a reflection on him not you! That’s like you not going due to not liking someone else being there. Go for your son with your boyfriend and the dad can grow up and show up or continue to let his son down!”
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