A single mom writes in very frustrated. Her son’s father is not trying to see him. Should she keep forcing it, or stop trying?
A Community Member asks:
“Hi! I’m 17 years old, and I have an almost two-year-old son. His father and I recently got back together when things turned very bad. He would hit me and call me names, but then it turned into him calling our son names and telling him to shut up every time he cried. After a while, he would push him and be very aggressive with him. I ended up leaving. I filed for child support, which led to being blocked on everything and a long message saying I was a bad mom and pretty much how much of a pos I was for doing it.
He has court-ordered visits every other Saturday from 11-6. I had to download a text now app to message and ask if he wanted to get him, he didn’t respond to me, but I made sure I sent it another time, and he didn’t answer. He did this the last Saturday he was supposed to get him too. I am done trying, and I am at loss of what to do, should I stop all contact or keep trying to get him to see his son?“
Community Advice for the Single Mom Whose Ex Won’t See His Son
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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I found the advice from the group to be quite energetic. You can read some of these responses below.
“It is HIS visitations. He is the one that needs to contact YOU. If he was concerned with seeing his child he would make the effort. Document EVERYTHING!!! Make sure you keep records of you trying to text him but the way i see it is its his responsibility to contact you on pick up locations. Its literally 7 hours a day, twice a month.”
“Go back to court and petition the court order its literally that easy. And also if he is dodging you and not answering on the designated days HE is in contempt of the court order and will be in trouble. Im confused why you havent contacted the court house already? Its one phone call or one visit in there.“
“Why would you want him in your son’s life? He could abuse him more.You can’t change someone or make them be a parent.”
“Keep walking with your head high and give that baby what you can. Single people do it everyday. I do it every day. Always hard at 1st but never depend on anyone but yourself to be there for this child and life will be easier. (Not even grandparents!)“
“If he is getting physical And aggressive with your son there is no way in heck I would allow unsupervised visits. I’d go to court ASAP and get full physical custody.“
“You’re under no obligation to contact him. If his scheduled visitation is not important enough to him, it’s not your job to hound him. If it is important enough to him, he will contact you. As someone who’s fled an abusive relationship, I PROMISE you, your baby is better off without the violence and toxicity around him. I would let this be, report the abuse and do whatever you possibly can to protect your little one.“
I have to agree with many of the group’s responses. With the treatment you described that made you leave, I wouldn’t want him anywhere around my son. Of course, you can’t make that call, but if he isn’t responding to your initial contact, I wouldn’t try contacting him again.
If he responds eventually, I would request his visits to be chaperoned. You may need to get this court ordered, so you might use this time to prepare for the future so you can protect yourself and your son. Be safe.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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