A mom and wife writes in feeling frustrated and upset over the fact that she and her husband fought on her birthday. She is looking for advice about whether she is wrong and what she should do if she isn’t.
A Community Member asks:
“Today was my 29th birthday. It also snowed here where I live today pretty decently. We have a bakery about 3 blocks away and I told my husband that I was gonna take my 5 yr old (from a previous relationship) and walk with him to get some cupcakes. I was out on the roads about an hour prior, and they were just absolutely terrible where I didn’t wanna drive with my son in the car.
My husband argued with me saying he didn’t want me walking when we have a perfectly good car. He even offered to drive. However, his license is suspended, so of course, I said NO. He b*tched and carried on like a child, so I bundled up myself and my son, and off we went. By the time we arrived at the bakery he had my phone blown up with messages saying I better not use any of his money (we have a joint account STUPID I KNOW) so my son said to just use the money his dad gave him for the cupcakes cause I shouldn’t be miserable. For being five that surprised me.
So we got our cupcakes and walked home, was I in the wrong?! Like I’m crying my eyes out on my birthday because my husband just wants to be a douche. Oh, he said he didn’t want me walking because I’m six months pregnant might I add. So now its 4 hours later and he still won’t talk to me saying how I called him a pos, and he grabbed a beer and went back to bed. Little fights like this happen often, but am I making a bigger deal cause it’s my birthday or should this be the final straw?!“
Community Advice For The Wife Who Is Upset Because Her Husband Fought With Her On Her Birthday
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this wife in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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The community members didn’t have much sympathy. You can read some of their posts below.
“He went about it wrong, but he had a very good point. If the roads are so bad that you didn’t feel safe driving, how could you feel safe with other traffic on those same roads, whilst walking? At least in a car, you have some protection if something goes wrong. Not to mention protection from the elements.“
“Holy smokes. You’re both in the wrong on so many levels. Most importantly though, don’t ever put your children in the middle of your relationship problems. Your 5-year-old should not know that you’re miserable.“
“I don’t like the fact that your more concerned about ur birthday being ” ruined” than what your 5-year-old said which was ultimately, him reaching out telling you HE’S MISERABLE. Which is a more important issue regardless of your SO did or didn’t do.”
If your man doesn’t have a DL, that’s a sign there’s a problem too. with all due respect, I don’t know how old he is but if my husband lost his DL, I’d have bigger problems to worry about…one of them being what kinda example does that set for the children??. Especially if he’s drinking around them and or during the day.
“He was wrong to say “don’t use my money”. When you’re married, the money is both of yours. You were wrong for calling him a pos and for telling your 5-year-old what he said about the money. You both handled the situation badly. He didn’t want you walking in the snow while 6 months pregnant and you wanted cupcakes for your birthday, there should have been a reasonable way to achieve both those things. Apologize to each other and move on.“
“I don’t see anything wrong with going for a walk at all. It’s healthy to go out for walks. Snow or not. Good grief, it’s just a bit of snow, it’s not going to kill you. He completely overreacted. If he was so worried about it then perhaps he should have walked with you.”
It seems, from what I can gather, that there is more going on at a much deeper level. In situations like this, it is always hard to give advice or an opinion, because we only know of this one incident and one side. To say whether this should be your last straw is impossible to answer. It sounds like you both have many areas that you need to talk through as a couple.
From the explanation of what happened, it seems that he was only concerned about your safety. Things then escalated very quickly. Possibly from refusing to let him drive or he may have felt disrespected. Whatever the case, we can see that things were said and done from both of you that caused the fight.
The community members mentioned to let it go, move on from it. I think this is what you need to do but I think there is more between both of you that needs to be expressed and worked through. Find a way to do this either through therapy or making time together to make your marriage a priority.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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