A wife writes in looking for advice on how to handle her verbally abusive husband.
A Community Member asks:
“So I have been wanting to post for a while now. I have 3 girls with my husband, he’s never wanted kids. We were together for a month and I got pregnant, he went to prison 3 years got out and we had 2 more 1 on birth control. Every day he makes them stay upstairs to play, he never wants them downstairs when he’s home from work. If they are he’s calling them names or just being mean. He’s always calling me names I hate it. I’m over it. I’m done with him. I just have no family and I only get SSI Idk how I can take care of my girls just on SSI.
If I don’t get anything, he says our sex life is over. He’s already found someone that’s going do more things with him than his wife. He calls me names every day, tells me I’m a horrible cook because IDK how to cook much. He wants fried chicken but I don’t know how. He’s held a gun up to me when he’s been drinking, said I would like to blow your face off. He is all the time talking about how he would kill me or just hurt me. He has never put his hands on us, but I just can’t take this.”
Community Advice For The Wife Is Looking for Advice on What to Do Because Her Husband Is Verbally Abusive
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this wife in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members gave very good advice and pointed our community wife and mom, whose husband is verbally abusive, in the right direction. You can read some of these comments below.
“Honey you need to take YOUR girls and free yourselves from that torment and trauma. I know its hard, that’s your family and their daddy but one day when they are bigger they will look back and respect you so much more for it. Remember mama you are your baby’s home, a family is those who love unconditionally, you’re their family. You don’t want them thinking that love is abuse, or to end up in a similar relationship. Teach them strength and self-love and respect by rising up and raising the bar for your self worth and value. Your worth the world and no one desires to be belittled and berated.“
“While he’s at work pack up absolutely everything you can in one day and just book it to a shelter. If you call a police officer they will come to help you and make sure if he comes home while you’re packing things up, that you’re safe.”
“Think about how your 3 girls are going to grow up after having had such a poor and abusive relationship with their father. They will expect to be treated by their husbands just like he treats you. And the cycle will repeat itself. Please leave. He clearly resents you all and wants to be left alone. Do you really want to be with someone like that? And it sounds as if your life is actually in danger! You really shouldn’t stay a minute longer.“
“You can go and take your kids to a shelter. There are battered women shelters all over the place. They will not only help you get a place, but they will also point you in the right direction so you can get help with your kids. Social service is a good place to start.”
“Sweetheart you have to leave, find a refuge. Your daughters are seeing and feeling this. They could grow up thinking this is what love is and you’ll have to watch them living this same life xx good luck xx.”
“Wait until the next time you get your SSI check….how do you get that? Plan a month ahead for the day you get it, that you are leaving. Pack up all you can in the first few hours of him being gone to work…call police to come help you, explain to them what is going on. Do it quietly and carefully, go to a shelter (have that lined up first) go get you and your kids on WIC if any or all are under 5…get a protective order. LEAVE him before he takes you away from your children for good. Hide or report this.”
I don’t think I could give any better advice than the women of the community have already given. There are so many resources for women these days that you just have to know where to look. The police department is a good place to start. You can also look for a women’s shelter in your area and contact them. Plan ahead and prepare quickly. Starting with where to go is the best start. As was mentioned you can find this information from many sources.
The most important thing is that you and your children are safe. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out. So many people are ready to help.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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