A community mom writes in looking for thoughts on how to tell her husband that she is desperate for a date night out without the kids. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings for trying to take her out with the kids, but she really needs a night away.
A Community Member asks:
“Yesterday I told my husband I really needed a date night and we were GOING to HAVE to have someone watch the kids overnight. (I just had a baby a month 1/2 ago, and I have a 2-year-old and a 9-year-old) Today he suggests that after his meeting at work, I am to go with him on a mandatory date. Which was a surprise that I was super happy about, but then I realized and asked: “What about the kids?” He said, “They’re coming too. We have to learn to take them with us anyway. Don’t we?”
This is where I got upset. I understand we have to learn to bring the kids everywhere. But I specifically said, “we will need a babysitter for all night.” This is for my own sanity. Moms, shame me if you must, but I know I’m a good mom. I just need a night to drink, cry, and be alone for once. I’m under so much family stress, and I need some self-healing.
I’m not upset at this sweet, sweet attempt to take me on a date, but how do I tell him I’m at my wit’s end and in desperate need to drink without the kids… without hurting his feelings for genuinely trying?”
Community Advice For The Mom Whose Husband Planned a Date Night That Included the Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Instead of making this mom feel guilty for wanting a night away from the kids, our community moms supported her with their comments. You can read some of these below.
“Why can’t you go out, enjoy the night, have a drink or two at dinner and let the hubs handle the baby and other kids all night?“
“If you can get a sitter, get one! I have 3 kids and no one to take them and never have date nights. It definitely strains our marriage. Don’t feel bad you need a break. I know exactly how you feel. It’s the moms that get help that criticize us that don’t. Everyone needs and deserves a break!“
“Just get a baby sitter n go on the date when he asks where your kids are? Then sit n tell him how u are feeling. He won’t know unless you tell him.”
“You are allowed a night to yourself, Mumma! Its okay to want a break, it does not make you a bad mum! Everyone needs a break every now & then, explain to him how your feeling! If need be, book yourself a motel room and leave dad with the kids and have a night to yourself in the bath drinking wine. Do what you need to do to be okay.”
“I’d go enjoy the night since he sweetly attempted to plan a “date night for you guys” (it may be better than you expect). Then later when the kids are asleep thank him for the day and let him know that now it’s your guy’s turn to go on a date night without the kids the next available day. It’ll make him feel useful and give you a chance to say how you feel.”
‘It’s honestly not a date night if the kids are with you. That would mean you’re on mom duty. Otherwise, it’s just a regular night, with a change of scenery.“
Every mom not only needs, but also deserves a night away. Really, it doesn’t matter what you go out and do; it’s just having a small break from the monotony of motherhood. It doesn’t mean we love our children less or that we don’t love being a mother.
The only way your husband will know what you need or how you feel is by expressing your feelings. If you express your feelings in a kind way, then most likely he will take it just fine. You might even be surprised to know that he understands. If he doesn’t you can liken it to going to work every day and not taking a break or lunch. Not getting any days off or vacation time. This may help him understand where you are coming from.
So get a sitter for the night and, when you are alone, explain to him how you feel. Communication is what makes relationships grow. He will get to know you better and become a better husband for you and vice versa. Enjoy your date night!
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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