A community mom writes in looking for thoughts on how to tell her husband that she is desperate for a date night out without the kids. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings for trying to take her out with the kids, but she really needs a night away.
A Community Member asks:
“Yesterday I told my husband I really needed a date night and we were GOING to HAVE to have someone watch the kids overnight. (I just had a baby a month 1/2 ago, and I have a 2-year-old and a 9-year-old) Today he suggests that after his meeting at work, I am to go with him on a mandatory date. Which was a surprise that I was super happy about, but then I realized and asked: “What about the kids?” He said, “They’re coming too. We have to learn to take them with us anyway. Don’t we?”
This is where I got upset. I understand we have to learn to bring the kids everywhere. But I specifically said, “we will need a babysitter for all night.” This is for my own sanity. Moms, shame me if you must, but I know I’m a good mom. I just need a night to drink, cry, and be alone for once. I’m under so much family stress, and I need some self-healing.
I’m not upset at this sweet, sweet attempt to take me on a date, but how do I tell him I’m at my wit’s end and in desperate need to drink without the kids… without hurting his feelings for genuinely trying?”
Community Advice For The Mom Whose Husband Planned a Date Night That Included the Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Instead of making this mom feel guilty for wanting a night away from the kids, our community moms supported her with their comments. You can read some of these below.
“Why can’t you go out, enjoy the night, have a drink or two at dinner and let the hubs handle the baby and other kids all night?“
“If you can get a sitter, get one! I have 3 kids and no one to take them and never have date nights. It definitely strains our marriage. Don’t feel bad you need a break. I know exactly how you feel. It’s the moms that get help that criticize us that don’t. Everyone needs and deserves a break!“
“Just get a baby sitter n go on the date when he asks where your kids are? Then sit n tell him how u are feeling. He won’t know unless you tell him.”
“You are allowed a night to yourself, Mumma! Its okay to want a break, it does not make you a bad mum! Everyone needs a break every now & then, explain to him how your feeling! If need be, book yourself a motel room and leave dad with the kids and have a night to yourself in the bath drinking wine. Do what you need to do to be okay.”
“I’d go enjoy the night since he sweetly attempted to plan a “date night for you guys” (it may be better than you expect). Then later when the kids are asleep thank him for the day and let him know that now it’s your guy’s turn to go on a date night without the kids the next available day. It’ll make him feel useful and give you a chance to say how you feel.”
‘It’s honestly not a date night if the kids are with you. That would mean you’re on mom duty. Otherwise, it’s just a regular night, with a change of scenery.“
Every mom not only needs, but also deserves a night away. Really, it doesn’t matter what you go out and do; it’s just having a small break from the monotony of motherhood. It doesn’t mean we love our children less or that we don’t love being a mother.
The only way your husband will know what you need or how you feel is by expressing your feelings. If you express your feelings in a kind way, then most likely he will take it just fine. You might even be surprised to know that he understands. If he doesn’t you can liken it to going to work every day and not taking a break or lunch. Not getting any days off or vacation time. This may help him understand where you are coming from.
So get a sitter for the night and, when you are alone, explain to him how you feel. Communication is what makes relationships grow. He will get to know you better and become a better husband for you and vice versa. Enjoy your date night!
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.