A community mom writes in looking for advice about how to deal with the unfair treatment and favoritism her mother-in-law shows her son and her sister-in-law’s son.
A Community Member asks:
“My son is six months old, and my mother in law has only seen him once — a family Christmas. My husband’s sister was a family Christmas with her also 6-month-old baby & when it came time to give presents she gave 13 presents to my sister in laws baby & 4 to my baby. Now I totally understand that my son is just a baby and won’t understand the gift difference yet. However, he will as he grows up, and it really makes me mad.
My mother in law has me on Facebook, and her Facebook page is plastered with pics of sister in law’s baby. Along with her buying the baby a ton of things. My son is about two weeks younger than my sister-in-law’s, and the day after my son was born, someone posted a status on her page saying, “How’s the newest grandbaby,” and she replied by saying “(SIL’s baby name) is doing great!” Things like this just really make me mad, and I’m just wondering if people have any advice or have been through similar situations? My husband has told her how we feel about it, and she just denies doing it.“
Community Advice for the Mom Concerned About the Favoritism Being Showed to Her Sister-In-Law’s Son vs. Her Own Son.
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom and daughter-in-law, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Most of the advice was to ignore the MIL and don’t let it get to you. You can read these and other responses below.
“Yep. When my kids started seeing that they were treated differently and it started to get to them, we cut out that side of the family.“
“The same thing has happened to all of my kids, Put a stop to it now, don’t do like I did, and try to look over it, It will only get worse, Without going into much more detail… it’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever let my kids see them again!!!!!“
“Why be friends on Facebook, why go around at all? I don’t get these women saying let it be or deal with it. My kid would never be second class to anyone. Take that baby where its wanted and loved and nowhere else. Who are you trying to please?“
“I am a grandmother and I have 4 son’s and they have kids I love them all the same.”
“I wouldn’t even care, mothers tend to love their daughter’s kids more than their son’s kids, always take your baby to your own mommy to bond, and when at your mother-in-law’s house for a function totally ignore her but be polite with everyone else.“
“I’m sorry but she has the right to feel the way she wants, be it right or wrong. And maybe she favors the other son more, Then the one your with. Or maybe she does not care much for you. But she should not show favoritism between the grandkids. And it happens to a lot of grandkids.“
Be honest with yourself… have you done anything to put a strain in a relationship, like limit her visits, don’t let her babysit, etc. You have to be honest with your part in the relationship. If you arent accepting her and her role with open arms. maybe she feels hurt. Just be honest.“
I have to say that after reading the responses from the community I found that there was some truth in both sides.
It was mentioned that it is normal for a mother to favor her daughter’s children over her son’s. I have to agree with this, but I also completely disagree that this is right. Maybe normal, but definitely not right. I have seen this first hand. I am not sure if its because they feel more comfortable with their daughter and her baby or if its because they just genuinely care more. Let me explain.
When it is your own daughter, it is as if it is you, and that the baby is almost like your own. If you have a close relationship with your daughter, she will want her mother to have a very big part of her and the baby’s life. But as a mother in law, you can feel like you are intruding on something that isn’t yours. Sometimes there is even this underlying competition with the other grandparents.
I say this not because I think its right but because I have seen it and I worry about this same thing with my boys and their future wives. I can say though, with all honesty, that it is not favoritism. I can’t speak directly for your mother-in-law, but I know for myself, I would not love my daughter’s children more than my son’s, but I may have a closer bond if I don’t feel like I have a good relationship with my daughter-in-law.
It was mentioned that it could be that the bond is just stronger. Let me say that because a bond is stronger does not mean your love is more or that you favor one over the other. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Try to build your relationship with her. Spend more time with her. Let her spend time with your son. You might see a big difference after. If you don’t and all the trying in the world doesn’t change anything, then just move on. She is missing out. Don’t follow her on social media so that you are not being reminded every day of the unfairness.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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