One woman is headed to Reddit after some family drama that happened just before her big day.
“I (25f) am getting married later this year. Got a family necklace from my grandma that my mom, aunts, grandma and two cousins wore at theirs. Had that locked in very early and then my stepmother (of 14 years) tells me she saved the necklace from her wedding for me to wear for mine, as a symbol of us being a true mother-daughter despite not being biologically related.”
While she found the gesture sweet, the OP (original poster) politely declined but the stepmom did not accept no for an answer…
“I told her that I had already gotten a necklace from my mom’s family and I wanted to wear that. She was upset. Asked me why I didn’t want to get it from her over them. I said because I want something of my mom’s to wear on my wedding day and this has family meaning. She told me what she’s giving me has meaning since her mom gave it to her when she married my dad.”
“I told her it was a sweet offer and I appreciated it but she could always give it to one of her daughters when they get married. She said it wasn’t about that. That she wanted me to wear it too. And she wanted me to find a way to wear it (not include it, but wear it). I told her I wasn’t going to replace the other necklace with hers.”
“She’s hurt and angry with me. My dad asked me why I couldn’t reassure her that I still see her as my mom and that she didn’t need the necklace for that. I told him because I don’t see her as my mom. I told him he knows that, she knows that, and yes she loves me like a daughter but a lie isn’t going to make things better. She will still want me to wear her necklace. She will still bring it up down the line.”
“They told me I should make it up to her and figure out how to wear it to make her happy. My dad suggested I wear one for the ceremony and one for the reception. I said no to that. He told me I was an a**hole for refusing to find a way. She told me that I could wear both together, that they could overlap and I could wear both my mom’s on me.”
So the OP thought up another idea, but that one also didn’t quite make the cut…
“To try and stop the drama and prevent them from bringing it up more I asked would she be happy if it were pinned to my bouquet or something. She told me that’s a piss poor consolation prize and she won’t be happy unless I wear it and by refusing, I am being needlessly cruel.”
“In my heart, I believe I handled it as well as I could. But AITA? The reaction to this is making me wonder if I need to reevaluate how I view this.”
One user said: “If nothing is good enough then nothing it shall be. NTA I would say that keeping us this entitled BS is a sure way to not want to speak to her at all again, much less thinking of her as a mother.”
While another commented: “It’s your wedding and you want to wear the family necklace from your mum’s side. That’s your decision. If she’s unhappy and doesn’t understand that’s on her, she has no right to be angry about it. I get she might be disappointed but turning down any alternative makes her TA here.
As a keeping the peace option, could you wear it as a bracelet or in your hair? Only if you wanted to of course. Edit: from reading the comments I see you lost your mum so that makes step mum, even more, the asshole and she can f*** all the way off. I am sorry for your loss.”
What do YOU think? Be sure to comment below.
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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