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QUESTION: Is This Too Much for a Healthy, Sex-Positive Discussion with My Teen Daughters?
“I have two older teenage daughters, and neither has wanted to drive yet (so no real independence from myself or my father). I would expect them to start dating soon, as they haven’t yet. Being more liberal and feminist, I like to think they will approach sexual health and sex in a pragmatic way.
I have been considering giving them a gift card to Amazon, which they could use to pick out and order a female toy. I hope they can learn and understand their bodies themselves in private, prior to starting relationships with other people.
Although I find this acceptable personally, I have been raised in such a conservative and sex-shaming home myself, I just haven’t brought myself to the conversation with them. Is this just “too weird” or on track for open, healthy discussion with my girls?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“There is such a thing as TOO progressive you know.. Def have the talk with them but a vibrator for your teen daughter is a bit (way) too much. There is such a thing as normal and healthy parent TEEN child boundaries and personal i feel that would be inappropriate and crossing a line.”
“Sounds to me like you might be trying to overcompensate with your own girls because you were raised in an environment that was very closed to sexual conversation. Just be open to casual discussion with them, when they feel comfortable about it. Don’t be anxious or pushy about their sexuality, they’ll know when they are ready. And no, I’d never buy a toy for them, that’s overly personal and intrusive.”
“I think this is a great idea and not weird at all. Quite frankly I wish my mother would have done the same it would have saved me being embarrassed. I think you are going to get a lot of the “this is weird” comments from people because of the subject matter however, I urge you to do what you feel comfortable with and what works best for your parenting style. Some people aren’t going to agree with this approach and that is okay.”
“I think this is a little weird….give them a safe sex talk. Other than that I wouldn’t bring up any of that other stuff….and just let them know you are there for them for any questions they have.”
“I think you need to let them come to you. I’d be freaked out if my mom came to me as a teen to buy me a toy. Let them enjoy their innocence.”
“Buying them a toy is a little weird…if they want one they’ll get themselves one. Trust me.”
“I think this is a great idea. Let them learn their bodies. When I was a teen I used stuff around the house. It may be a little awkward at the first. But this teaches self care and how to care and clean this item. Everyone touches themselves. It’s nice you’re willing to give them the correct tools instead of them using their electric toothbrush.”
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