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QUESTION: Should I let my sons move in with their dad?
“Help! How do you handle your sons wanting to move in with their dad, who’s located 2 hours away? My sons, aged 12 and 13, have expressed they want to move in with their dad, who lives 2 hours away. This would mean a change of school districts. My heart is broken! I had always been the primary caretaker since my divorce ten years ago.
Their dad works very early in the morning (4 am) and would not be present to get them ready for school or attend school functions, doctor appointments, etc. His girlfriend would be doing most of the parenting. My whole heart tells me this is not the best thing for my sons, but I also don’t want them to resent me. I’ve tried talking to them about why it’s not in their best interest but they are 12 and 13-year-old boys who can’t see past their own wants.”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I’d recommend maybe telling them they have to finish off the school year, then let them spend the summer there just to see how that goes. They could always change their mind & it would be best before school starts. I know it hurts your heart momma, but this is coming from someone who was 13 and begging my mom to let me move 2 & a half hours with my dad, and it ended really ugly but I got my way.
But eventually, I went back home. I saw my mom as the bad guy and my dad as the hero. Now that I’m older I see everything my mom did was for a reason, and she’s my absolute best friend. Not saying my dad isn’t a hero cause he is, but I do see where my mom was coming from. Hugs, prayers, it will be alright.”
“People here saying the children shouldn’t have a say, they would do if this situation went to court. Any child over the age of 12 can stand up to a judge and tell them their wishes. Twelve and 13 are no longer babies. They have feelings and wish for them to be heard. Dads have equal rights as moms and should be allowed equal time. If my child wanted to go to their dad, there is no way I’m ignoring how my child’s feeling. They deserve to be given that chance with their father.”
“I think it’s really sweet that you are taking the time to really think about this and your children’s happiness. So first off, I’d wait until summer to let them test the waters. See if their dad’s house truly is best for them. Sometimes they always think the grass is greener because mom yelled at me or something but in all honesty mom just has their best interest in mind.”
“I’d also ask them why? Not to be petty or anything but to understand, do they like where he lives more? Would they want to live with me if I moved closer to their father? Have different/better friends there? Are they bullied? All these things can be big contributors.”
“It’s really up to them. Unless there’s a real reason why it would either be unsafe or unstable. It sucks but they will always be your sons, it’s not like they are going to forget who mom is.”
“Kids don’t always want what’s best for them. That’s why they have adults to make tough choices.”
“You wouldn’t be parenting right if they didn’t harbor a little resentment. Come to a compromise. Tell them they can spend the summer months with him and see if they like it enough to stay after that experience.”
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