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QUESTION: My fiancè acts different toward me when he doesn’t smoke: Advice?
“My fiancé and I have a son together. He’s the best man, and I love him so much. The only issue is that when he doesn’t smoke(bud), he will act differently towards me. He will act rude and mean. He won’t call me names, but he will get mad at me or change his attitude for nothing. It hurts a lot because I can literally ask him a question and he will respond to me so mean. Or if I ask what he wants to eat, he will give me an attitude.
I’ll ask him why he’s so mean to me, and he just ignores me. It hurts because we said we would work on his anger when he doesn’t smoke. Yet, I feel like nothing is changing. It’s been over a year since we agreed that I would help him with his actions when he isn’t smoking. Nothing is changing, and he will literally get mad for not buying some when he knows we got bills to pay.
We will get married around September, but I don’t know. The way he acts towards me when not smoking really does hurt. Advice on what to do, please? I try not to be so sensitive but I have no one else to talk to about it. I do love him a lot, but it hurts to have someone be mean every time they don’t smoke.“
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Walk away now don’t settle you will never be happy. You deserve more. Life is too short not to be happy. The only person you can change is you. Remember that the only person you can change is you.”
“Try to go out and do more things together. Maybe buy him a pen to smoke instead so he can always have it on him. Maybe you guys could use some couple counseling if you cant just directly talk to him about it or if he doesn’t change, leave, because he probably won’t if he doesn’t want to make the effort.”
“If you treat me bad for any reason you’re out. He has issues. He needs to deal with it. Without needing to smoke. Who wants to depend on something every day all the time to be happy?”
“Don’t marry a man who has to be high to get along with you. Sounds like he needs to stop or slow down and you guys see a couples counselor and try to figure it out for real. It’s not going to change if you’re the only person who sees an issue. If he cares and sees it too, fix it so your relationship survives.”
“You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment period for any reason. Do not marry him and get stuck in this relationship. It will not change.”
“I smoked consistently for years. Quit cold turkey and have never experienced withdrawal from weed. If he’s being mean to you while he’s sober it’s not going to stop, he shouldn’t have to be high to tolerate you or treat you with respect. Get out now. You deserve better than that.”
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