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QUESTION: Is It Okay to Ask My 19-Year-Old to Move Out Due to Behavioral Issues, and If So, How Do I Ask?
“If your oldest, who is 19, but still lives at home, and thinks and acts like they are the parent and constantly talks back to their own parents as well as siblings… is it ok to tell them to move out?
If so, how? If not, why not? Siblings are 17, 16, and 10.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Man this is a toughy because a lot of the time older siblings grew up being secondary parents. To grow up in that position and then be treated like a child as an adult (although young) is frustrating. If the parents never really actively parented the kid they absorb that roll and project it onto anyone who they think needs it. You need to look at the consequence of your parenting I don’t think it’s right to ask them to move when you created this person.”
“We just kicked out 18 year old out because he refuses to work go to college or do anything with his life.”
“Are you willing to have a conversation first? Set some boundaries and lay out your expectations? A lot of these kinds of things can be avoided with a little communication.”
“No. That’s your kid. I’d help him make a plan but to simply just say, ‘it’s time to go’ could land them in bad situations.”
“No, it’s not because they’re your child. You should have raised them when they were a kid not to be like that. Dropping your kid on their head is cruel. Also, look at how they were raised and figure out if they were put into the position to act as a parent by you. Because chances are they probably were.”
“I would just tell them look i love you but its time for you to start being independent and get your own place (if they are working; if not, make them get a job and save up to get their own place. Honestly if its not working with him living there and he is disrespectful it’s okay to have them move out it doesn’t make you a bad parent he is an adult and you have to have peace in your own home.”
“Maybe try repairing your relationship?”
“Make him pay rent for a year first. Save all his rent and give it back to him to get into his home. Win win. He gets used to paying rent, and he doesn’t have to struggle to get up the money to move.”
“My mom said, ‘if you’re going to act like an adult and keep doing whatever you want. Here is the newspaper. I circled the places looking for renters, good luck.’ That made me cut my attitude real quick.”
“Did she help raise those younger siblings? Usually when the eldest is being bossy, it’s because she has taken on an adult role she was given. I speak from experience as my 16 year old helps a lot. When I see her getting bossy, I have to check myself and look at the whole picture. I would not ask her to leave especially during this time. I would however make it a point to tell her if she is not happy there, she can work on getting her own place.”
“Talk with him and let him know you are the boss not him. Set the rules and expectations one more time remind him it’s your house and he is an adult. Then if he doesn’t I wouldn’t just kick him out. I would make him start preparing to move. Get a job, save money, find a place.”
“Even as their parent if your full grown child disrespects you in YOUR home you don’t owe them sh*t not even a roof over their head.”
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