My Friend’s Daughter Believes the People Around Her Is Her Family, Should I Tell Her the Truth?

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QUESTION: Should I tell my friend’s daughter that her family isn’t actually related to her?

“So I have a friend who’s in a relationship with a woman, and he’s close with her oldest girl. She has grown up being told the people she grew up knowing as her family is not actually her family at all, like no relation at all. It’s an ex of hers. Should he or she tell the daughter the truth? She’s now 13 years old.”

RELATED: Q&A: My Sons Father Doesn’t Like My Husband’s Relationship With Our Son: Advice?

Daughter Believes the People Around Her Is Her Family, Should I Tell Her the Truth?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“No way!!!!! That is not your place to tell the daughter. There might be a very valid reason why the family is wanting to keep that from her at this time. Blood does not make a family. It is made from love. You are talking about ruining a young girl’s life, not something to be proud of. Leave well enough alone. You don’t know what the reasoning is behind it all but it must be strong so keep your mouth shut and stop spreading gossip and let that family be at peace.”


“If they are the ones that treat her and love her like she is family, then that’s her family. Mind your business.”

“My sister doesn’t have the same dad. She’s nearly an adult and I couldn’t imagine telling her. Her whole world would be upside down.”

“I have the same situation with my eldest. My daughter thinks her dad is her real dad and he isn’t. If anyone was to ever tell her other than me, then I would be doing time. It’s not even any of your businesses. Do they treat her well like she is family? It’s all that matters. What a thing to ask.”

“You don’t decide who someone’s family is. Blood doesn’t make family. There are tons of blood relatives that don’t come around but my mom built me a family out of our community. You aren’t a friend as you sit there a judge her family and want to traumatize her child by telling her.”

“As a person who found out at 13 that the man that raised me was not my biological dad, it still messes with me. I could have lived my whole life not knowing that my bio dad was an alcoholic that left and felt the need to raise his other daughter instead of me. Mind your business.”

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