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“I’ve recently got married in December. He’s a fantastic person and so loving to my child. The only problem is that my son’s father has an issue with my husband calling him his boy. My child’s father has not done a thing for him since he was a month old. He will call or text me calling me all types of bad mothers and other names, but I’m struggling with a one-year-old with no support or help from him. He would rather spend his money and time making music videos. My question is, how do I handle this situation while still being fair? Sn: I never have and will never keep my child from his other family.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“My husband and I both have stepkids. We use the term OUR. Even when communicating with his mom. It takes a village. Ask your ex if he would rather your husband ignore him and not teach him things? Don’t be sarcastic about it. He is trying to say it hurts his feeling without using those words. Approach it from a different perspective.”
“If he doesn’t see the child or financially help I’m not sure why he really has a say in anything. Your husband is going to his dad. He’s there every day. He’s the one going through life with him and will be teaching him. If the baby daddy has a problem with it, he needs to step up to the plate. And even then, it’s great to have a bonus dad that cares and loves him. There can never be too much love for a kid but there can be toxicity even if it’s coming from his bio dad. And it’s your job to do your best to protect your child from that.”
“I’d like to also express concern for you also protecting yourself from the toxic nature of bio dads name-calling. He has no right and if he’s bad-mouthing you & calling names, I’d ignore him all together until he can act like a grown-up and be respectful.”
“Your husband is going to be the baby’s father .. he is going to be there every day and obviously loves “his boy” … Donating sperm does not make you a dad .. if your ex was a good human being he would happy that your husband loves his biological child .. it would tell him this straight-up .. a child can never have too much love.”
“Don’t talk to the bio-dad about anything other than your son. If he texts you about your husband, ignore it. Tell the bio dad that any contact from here on out will ONLY be about your son. Health, times he can see him, and about anything that your son needs. The bio dad has no say in who calls who what. Eventually, your son will see what his bio dad didn’t do, and see what his stepdad did for him. He will see who’s there and who’s not. Just ignore texts/calls from bio-dad if it’s about anything other than your son.”
“This is not a father…this is a sperm donor. If he’s not going to talk to you respectfully then I wouldn’t even be responding at all to him. As long as your husband is treating your son good then this “father” has no business questioning etc.”
“This isn’t [about] you or your husband’s problem… this your ex’s issue with the feeling of inferiority to your new husband. Your ex feels ways about it cause he feels he lacks something your husband has.[I would explain] to the ex that your husband loving your son shouldn’t be an issue but a blessing that your son has one more person who loves him unconditionally. And tell him to grow up!”
“If he’s done nothing for your son in a year & is disrespectful to you why are you in contact with him? You said you refuse to keep your son from his family. What does that mean to you? Keep in contact so he can continue to dictate your life, call you names & commit other emotional abuse against you & your son? Are you expecting that he’ll suddenly change & decide to be a father? News flash, he won’t. If he wanted to be a father he would be. He chose not to be in your son’s life. It’s not your choice. Imo you, your son & husband will be happier if you just cut him off. If he’s on the BC make sure you file for child support. If he’s not let your husband adopt him. So the 2 of you can raise him without your ex controlling you. Either way discontinue contact. If he wants rights he’ll file for them & stick with it. 99% chance he won’t.”
“If you two were never married he has no say. In my state he’d have to prove he was the father before he even had rights to the child. Tell him if he wants to have any say so about your child he needs to be a dad not a sperm donor ????????♀️ It’s not hard to ignore him and say no. You’re just causing problems for yourself by feeding in to his BS.”
“He lost the right to make any decisions. So let him be mad. Sounds like a classic narcissist, everything is someone else’s fault and he will threaten, lie and even try trashing you! Nope not ok. Keep the texts and request a mediator to look through emails and text before you receive them.”
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