This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION: I found out my 12-year-old is sexually active: What should I do?
“What do you do when find out your 12-year-old has sex?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Get her to a good OB, on birth control and pray. We can’t control the decisions our kids make, no matter how “strict” the rules. Unless you’re going to live your life as a 12yo, then you can’t control them. I’ll pray for you.”
“Sit down and have a real heart to heart. Don’t sugarcoat anything, they need to know all of the possible outcomes. It only takes one time and that one time can only be a couple of minutes then boom a baby. Idk you and I want to hug you and your child.”
“You won’t stop a preteen/teen from having sex. Sorry but you won’t. The urges are extremely strong as we all know.
And if it happens it happens. Give them all the information you can possibly find. Birth control information, doctors app, and some STI information. IT’S NATURAL! She/He can’t stop their urges why punish them? Tell them I understand please be safe think of your future and try to find a way around their urges before going with a partner.”
“There are adolescent clinics she can go to with or without you to discuss birth control, sex, relationships and anything else she needs to know. But right now she needs her mom in her life in a more intimate way to discuss who she is having sex with. And call his parents to have a sex discussion. Gather everyone up to discuss it.”
“Be compassionate and explain what can happen if they don’t practice safe sex. It’s too late to tell them to wait. If they’ve done it once, they will do it again. Just let them know that you are there for questions if they have any.”
“Have a conversation and find out why they did it, what the circumstances were and what they were thinking. Make it perfectly clear that they’re in trouble because they’re far too young to be doing anything like that. Restriction of privileges as well.”
“Talk to them like adults and don’t sugarcoat the implications, precautions and consequences. If it’s a daughter, get her on birth control and clamp down on her freedoms. Parenting just got real. Step up!!”
“You educate them on pregnancy, STD’s and how it can affect you emotionally especially if you did it to show love and then your partner doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Then you keep them busy and keep your eye on them to try and keep them out of that situation. Do more stuff with them, not just keep them at home. 12 is physically maturing but their minds aren’t ready for a lot of what comes with sex. They also can’t support a baby so you better help with birth control for those times you can’t be around.”
“I know it’s not easy but 12 year olds need adult supervision. Don’t put them in a position to have to make this kind of decisions. Boys and girls at this age should not be alone together. I’m not saying they can’t sneak off at school or events but lots of people are letting them date and spend time at each other’s house way too early. They are kids.”
“Well the deed is done….. so maybe just being kind, understanding, and educate them about sex. All of it the good, the bad, the ugly. Dont make them feel ashamed because you want to keep the lines of communication open especially now.”
“There is no point in punishment or pointing figures and deciding who’s to blame. You could blame all of the above! However it’s already happened can’t change it. But she is not pregnant or has a STD so now is the time to communicate talk to her about things let her ask questions if she is going to continue or you suspect she is get her on some birth control I know she is young for that but better that than a baby at 13. The whole thing is communication!! Talk about everything! Make her feel she can talk to you about anything!”
“Assigning blame doesn’t help anyone at this point. Medical examination, conversation & education.”
“You need to educate your daughter about consent and make sure that the sex she has had was consensual, you need to educate her about contraception, sexual transmitted diseases and above and above all things keep your communication open between both of you. Try and stay calm whilst dealing with conversations. Be there for her both physically a day emotionally.”
Have a parenting, relationship, or other family-related question? Submit it on Facebook or Answers!
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.