my 11-year-old daughter came out to me: how can i support her

My 11-Year-Old Daughter Came Out to Me: How Can I Support Her?

A mom writes in asking for advice about her 11-year-old daughter, who recently came out as bisexual to her. This mom loves her daughter no matter what but is looking for advice from other moms who have experienced this with their own children. How can she support her daughter on her journey?

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A member of the community asks:

“My daughter came out to me: How can I support her? Hi, I have an anonymous question I would like to be asked, please! I would like to start out by saying I love and support my daughter and all of my kids no matter what. That being said! My 11-year-old daughter (very recently) came out to me as bisexual.

I want to be as supportive and sensitive to her about this as possible. My question is, has anyone had their young child come out to them? Do kids this young even know what their sexual orientation is? (I know this one may offend some people, but it’s a genuine question.)

I will show support and love and go along with whatever she chooses now, or later..what are some ways I can show support? Is there such a thing as too much support? Would it be better to just move on and let her guide the way? Thanks for listening! And thanks in advance for any advice or support given!”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Whose 11-Year-Old Daughter Came Out as Bisexual to Her

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionMy daughter came out to me: How can I support her?Hi, I have an anonymous question I would like to be…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Sunday, June 7, 2020

Advice Summary

my 11-year-old daughter came out to me: how can i support her

The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.

“I knew then but didn’t come out till I was about 15. The fact that at this young she felt comfortable enough to tell you says so much about how great you are in her eyes as a mom. Just remind her you love her and keep trucking on.”

“The fact that you WANT to support her is huge! I’d just follow her lead, continue to be there for her, you can figure the rest out together.”

“My daughter told me the same at 12. I said ok, it’s time for dinner. She said ‘aren’t you mad?’ My response was ‘you’re still you, now let’s eat.’ We didn’t make a big deal because it’s not a big deal. I don’t really care who she loves as long as she is happy. Nothing changed except she knew I wouldn’t stop loving her.”

“I came out as bisexual last year. My stepmother disowned me. My father wasn’t happy about it but he didn’t cause such a fit about it either. Just treat her the way you have always done. When she comes to you with a problem just support her. I knew at a young age as well and never said a word. Don’t make a huge deal out of it. She’s the same kid she was last week except now you know something new. God bless.”

“Just go for it! Support her! She’s so young and I’m sure she’s just experimenting in her age group. I wouldn’t worry about too much. I came out to my parents at 17 and they were super supportive and it’s only made us closer. Get her some rainbow stuff! Make her a cake! Just show you care cuz that’s the most important thing.”

“My daughter did the same thing, and I told her as long as she’s happy, I’m happy. Simple as that. No need to make a big deal, just love and support as always.”

“As someone who went through this recently; don’t treat her any differently. She is the same today as she was yesterday, last week, month, etc. Just support her, always be open to any questions, and follow her lead. You are obviously doing a great job as a parent if she already feels confident enough in your acceptance of who she is, that she has told you at her age.”

“I think you just need to be there for her no matter what, and when she needs you most. As long as you love and accept her for her, all will be ok!”

“Yes, she is old enough to know that she finds both boys and girls attractive. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just let her know you support her, and when you talk about her getting married, say ‘husband or wife.’

“If she is comfortable enough to come to you, I think you’re probably doing a great job and probably don’t need to change a thing.”

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.

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Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.

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