A mom writes in asking for advice about having multiple children. She wants to hear from other moms about what they feel is the perfect age gap to have between children. She has a four-month-old daughter and wants more children. On her current trajectory, though, she is not planning to have another until her daughter is almost four. Is that too long?
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: There’s a Huge Age Gap Between My Three Older Kids and My New Baby, and I’m Struggling: Is That Normal?
A member of the community asks:
“What is the perfect amount of years between children?
How many years between children do you think is the best? I have a four-month-old daughter, and we want to have one more at some point. I’m a planner and like to figure these things out ahead of time. My birth control is set to come out in 3 years, so we were thinking then, but if we do that, our daughter will be about four by the time the baby is born, and I’m wondering if that’s too far apart? What are your experiences/opinions?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know What the Perfect Age Gap Is When Having Multiple Children
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“My daughters are 5 years and 4 months apart and I love it. When I’m absolutely exhausted and the thought of getting up again to grab a binky or whatever makes me want to cry I can ask the older one to get it for me and she LOVES to help and is such a good big sister. I couldn’t have done a newborn and a 2- or 3-year-old I’ll tell you that much.”
“I really like my 4 years between, daycare stays cheaper that way.”
“In my opinion, 2 years apart is better than 4. I speak this as a nanny who has worked with multiple families who have/had kids 4 years apart and being a mom with kids 2 years apart. Kids who have had mom and dad solely for themselves for 4 years have a super hard time transitioning to having to share mom and dad…
… I also think about the school part, I love my kids are in school together. If you wait 4 years when your older one is going to college your younger one will be doing highschool alone. When my daughter was 2 and we had my son she loved being part of the process and playing mommy. The kids I have worked with were just angry about the baby and it took quite some time for things to settle down.”
“My son and daughter are almost exactly 2 years apart. It gets hard sometimes but seeing them play and grow is worth it. I’m due in December with my third and they’ll be 1.5 years apart and I’m very excited for that…
… I’ve always wanted my kids very close together, but a lot of people like the bigger gap so there is less stress in the beginning. It’s all based on preference. No one but you and your husband can decide what’s best for your family.”
“I had four years and 2 months between mine. And I love it. Because my oldest is becoming more independent so I’m not trying to battle doing things for both all day. And he’s just the right age to help with his baby brother! He also was more acceptable to him at 4 than my sister’s girls were when they were 2 or 3.”
“I have an almost 10-year-old and an 18-month-old. My 10-year-old is absolutely amazing with her. I think as she gets older she may become annoyed with her little sister. Right now she is overprotective and they are like the best of friends. My mom had twins when I was 16, they were practically my babies! I wouldn’t worry if they are too old or too young. Just do what works for you, your body, and your family.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.