One user is asking if they are the a****** for refusing to gift their stepdaughter a priceless family heirloom.
“I (30F) just had a baby girl (Lily) a few months ago with my husband (31M). I have a son from a past marriage (12M, Jack) and my husband adopted a girl (14F, Emily) about three years ago,” the OP began.
“I love my adoptive daughter so much and I try to be a mother figure to her. She doesn’t call me ‘mom’ and isn’t very interested in spending time together, which I respect because she has been through a lot, but I still make a point to include her in discussions and try to spend special one-on-one time with her.”
“I have a necklace that has been in my family for a few generations (the first one to have it was my great-grandma, she received it on her wedding day so now it is given to the oldest daughter on her wedding day, which is when I received it). It is very beautiful and priceless and I keep it in a special box that stays locked up with a key. My family is aware of this necklace and my children have seen it and know the significance.”
“We were having a get-together with family because you-know-what is finally allowing it. My grandma started asking about the necklace and if it will continue the tradition and go to Lily someday, to which I said yes. My husband, who was half listening, turned and said, ‘Shouldn’t it go to Emily?’ I didn’t want to discuss this in front of our family so I smiled and said we could talk about it later. My husband kept pushing it and Emily heard her name so she became involved with the conversation as well.”
“My mom said that the necklace obviously should go to Lily since she is blood family (which I later told her was a very inconsiderate thing to say in front of Emily). I didn’t really voice an opinion one way or another but I did agree that it makes sense to go to Lily.”
“Emily hates arguments and raised voices so she said, ‘I wouldn’t want your stupid necklace anyways’ and ran inside crying (my husband went to talk to her). My family thinks that Lily deserves the necklace and while it is sad for Emily, she is old enough to understand the differences.”
“I really love Emily and I don’t ever want to hurt her, but I agree that this necklace might mean more to Lily since it will be from her direct heritage. Emily already has her own items that her mother gave her. I suggested to Emily that she and I go pick out a necklace together for her, just the two of us, but she refused and isn’t talking to me.”
“My husband doesn’t want to get in the middle of this because it’s my necklace and my decision, but I can tell he feels disappointed that I would consider choosing Lily over Emily. My other worry is if Emily gets the necklace, Lily will find out in the future from my family and might get upset.”
One user commented: “OP is NTA. The necklace should go to whomever OP wishes. I understand the disconnect between Emily and OP but an heirloom necklace isn’t the way to build a connection. And to be honest, after the way the husband pushed and pushed till there was an issue, I have to wonder how much of the divide between OP and Emily is his doing?”
While another said: “NTA. ‘My husband doesn’t want to get in the middle of this because it’s my necklace and my decision.’ But he threw himself into it immediately. When you told him you guys could talk about it Iater, he pushed for it. It’s nice that now after stirring the pot and causing an issue, he just wipes his hands and backs away.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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