A new mother is asking Reddit if she is the a****** for serving her husband’s family Mac N Chese for dinner after they dropped by announced to see their newborn baby.
“My husband (Asian) and I (American) welcomed our firstborn 4 weeks ago. The baby is [healthy] (Thank God) but I’m exhausted, haven’t fixed my hair, barely able to shower and can not sleep,” the OP, Original Poster began.
“My husband’s family had been pressuring us to visit to meet the baby. I tried to hold them off as much as I could but yesterday, I was surprised to find them standing on the porch. Turns out hubby invited them for dinner. I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn’t ready for visitors (judgemental ones at that ????) cause the house was a M.E.S.S y’all.”
The OP went on to reveal that her husband forced her to make a homemade meal as ordering takeout would appear “rude.”
“Anyways, my husband sat with them while I fed my son then later I asked my husband if we should order takeout for dinner. He said ‘NO’ because his parents would find this rude and unwelcoming. He suggested that I go inside the kitchen and prepare something, anything long as it’s ‘homemade.’ I said fine then went and made some Mac N Cheese. The reason I prepared this meal is because of how easy it is.”
“Once I served the family, my husband’s mom looked at me and was appalled. I noticed something was wrong. She asked if I really found it ‘appropriate’ to serve her and the family Mac N Cheese. I asked why not and she went on a rant about how disrespectful this was and that I clearly have no experience in what is right and wrong when it comes to hosting. I said excuse me? Who said I signed up to host an expected visit from them and she took it as in I didn’t want them there.”
And from there, the situation continued to escalate.
“Her husband said they were just there to finally see the baby that I kept them from seeing for an entire month. That’s a whole month of his life they ‘missed’ out on. We had an argument and they decided to go home. My husband said that deciding to serve his family Mac N Cheese was more offensive [than] serving them nothing at all. I told him I was too exhausted to cook their ‘traditional feasts’ that I was forced to learn from his mom. He took offense and said that I was being mean and disrespectful towards not only his family but his culture.”
“I went inside the bedroom to stay with my son. My husband stayed on the phone with his family for an hour then kept giving me the cold shoulder and refused to eat what I cook in support of his family. I understand how some guests might find it offensive especially his family. but I was just trying to make a quick homemade meal like my husband wanted. What’s wrong with Mac N Cheese”” the OP concluded.
One user commented: “This isn’t a culture clash – these people are just AHs. There isn’t an asian culture I’m aware of that doesn’t practice some form of postpartum confinement where it is expected that the new mother do nothing other than rest and bond with the baby. IF they were so ‘traditional’ they should have showed up with food, offered to clean the house, and run a load of laundry while they’re at it. NTA btw.”
Followed by: “I’m Asian and if anything, it’d be my relatives coming over and bringing me food. No one would expect an exhausted new mother to cook a whole feast. Sure, boundaries don’t really exist in Asian families sometimes but if OP’s husband had even the thinnest backbone, he’d stand up to his family for her. And if he wanted to host so bad, why didn’t he cook?”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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