aita for telling my surrogate to stop acting like she was my husband's wife?

AITA For Telling My Surrogate To Stop Acting Like She Was My Husband’s Wife?

One user is asking Reddit if they are the a****** after demanding their surrogate to stop treating her husband inappropriately.

“My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We wanted kids but because of my health problems, this wasn’t possible. We decided to go with surrogacy, my friend nominated her sister (Brittany, 29) I agreed right away cause I know Brittany and the family. We’ve set everything up. Discussed payment, short and long-term plans, counseling and [doctor] appointments. We explored IVF and chose a private [clinic] to get it done,” the OP (Original Poster) began.

aita for telling my surrogate to stop acting like she was my husband's wife?
Image via Shutterstock

“It started after Brittany took a pregnancy test. She only told my husband though she had both our numbers. She only sent my husband a pic of the test while he was at work and sent me nothing when I gave her my personal contact info but it was okay. Things got complicated when Brittany started having access to our credit cards for her own wants and claim they were the baby’s needs. She excluded me from [doctors] visits and scans and had only my husband go with her.”

“Her excuse was my husband drives and has time since I work and [I am] ‘unavailable’ most of the time. I felt isolated from this experience but said nothing knowing she’s bearing a lot of [the] burden so I had patience. My husband had no idea what was going on and if this was normal. This was new to us so we didn’t know.”

“She’s 7 months in and last week she had us visit to discuss things that I thought we’d previously agreed on but she said she changed her mind about and her mom was there too. I heard Brittany out and was shocked when she gave a list of how things should be from now on since she said ‘there was a lot of confusion’ in the past cause of me stressing her out by complaining.”

aita for telling my surrogate to stop acting like she was my husband's wife?
Image via Shutterstock

RELATED: Woman Develops Rare Pregnancy-Related Cancer, Twin Sister Offers To Be Surrogate

“She requested she gets say in things like baby name after I ‘deleted’ the list of names she sent to my husband. She wanted more access to my husband’s credit cards/free time to get stuff done at her place. Also, more time with the baby than agreed on. Then wrapped up by saying only my husband should be with her in the delivery room and used the hospital as an excuse.”

“I got up and firmly stated I don’t agree [with] her new terms and that she had to stop acting like she was my husband’s wife and this was their baby. My husband didn’t speak til she started crying. He asked me to sit down but I said I had boundaries, reminded her what her role was and how she overstepped.”

“Her mom went off and said her daughter was being mistreated when she put herself mentally and physically through the most selfless act for us, to make us a family. She gave up a part of her life in those months to give us what we want and I was acting selfish and ungrateful. She had us leave then told my friend and it got more complicated. I was told to apologize for what I said,” the OP concluded.

aita for telling my surrogate to stop acting like she was my husband's wife?
Image via Shutterstock

RELATED: Identical ‘Mirror’ Twin Decides To Be Sister’s Surrogate Despite Rare Syndrome

One user said: “Sounds like this was a setup. The friend’s sister wanted a baby with a man that could support her. I’m guessing she’s going to change her mind and hope the husband will leave op because it’s his child, not OPS. Unless it was OPS egg used, otherwise this is just a massive scam. Should have got a legal document and now OP, you have to get a lawyer involved. She is definitely overstepping here and I think she’s using your husband as a sperm donor with benefits.”

While another commented: “OP just paid for this woman to become her husband’s new wife and mother of his child.”

Followed by: “When my wife & I explored this, (we couldn’t do it due to $$$,$$$ costs), these were the rules we were told to follow…”

1. Never, ever, use the egg of the woman carrying the child.

2. Always get everything in legal contracts signed in triplicate and both sides must be represented at all times.

3. When it comes to random needs for carrying, use escrow accounts, and treat this as a business. Demand receipts and reimburse, do not pay directly unless you’re in person with said person. Or you buy it yourself on Amazon and have it shipped to her address.

4. The woman must have carried a child to full term and healthy at least once.

5. Agencies are more expensive, but there’s a reason for that. You get what you pay for.

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