A mom writes in asking for advice about her boyfriend, who is also the father of her child. She says that her boyfriend cheated on her. He told her a week after it happened. “It got bad,” she said, before adding that she told everyone in their lives what had happened. Since then, her boyfriend has apologized, calling it the biggest mistake he’s ever made, and they have been going to see a therapist. This mom wants to know if their relationship is worth fighting for.
A member of the community asks:
“Is my relationship worth saving if he cheated?
I have a question that would be great to get honest judgmental-free feedback about. My boyfriend and father of my child cheated on me. He told me about it a week after it happened. It got bad, and I told everyone in our life what happened, looking for advice and help. We went to a therapist, and he has told me it was the biggest mistake he’s ever made, and he’s sorry and will forever regret it.
Would I be insane and stupid to try and work things out? I don’t know if I should leave or at least try a few more therapy sessions and see if the relationship can or is even worth saving? If we did work things out, my family and friends know what’s going on, and I’m almost too embarrassed to even try. Thoughts?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know if Her Relationship with Her Boyfriend Who Cheated Is Worth Saving
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I believe if he told you a week later he felt terrible about it and won’t do it again. The active cheaters do everything to hide it and make you feel crazy for even thinking it. Those are the ones that are undeserving of a second chance.”
“I mean this In the most polite way possible but this is why you shouldn’t tell other people about your struggles in your relationship. It’s not anyone’s business but your own anyway. If the relationship is what you want and you are both willing to at least try and make it work then no one else’s options should matter. It’s your life and your marriage! You come first!”
“Baby Girl, you have to follow your heart. I went through this in November of 2019. Found out what happened days before I found out I was pregnant with our son. I’m still not over it. It hurts & leaves scars. But the more time that goes by, the easier it gets. If he’s truly sorry & you two can work past it & you think you can forgive him over & get over it when it crosses your mind, go for it. It’s hard work but it can be done. I am married. And honestly, I looked to God for guidance. Sometimes we all deserve grace.”
“Don’t be embarrassed to do what you think is right for your family. He was very upfront about it and is going to therapy with you… I personally would have to see therapy through a little longer and decipher if I could forgive him or not. What your family thinks doesn’t matter- what matters is if YOU think you can forgive and trust him again.”
“The relationship is definitely saveable but only if you stop dragging others into it. People make mistakes. He came to you and told you. In turn you told everyone in his life how awful he is instead of figuring things out yourself. If you want to save it it will take a lot of work on BOTH parties.”
“I personally wouldn’t. I would always be suspicious & never get over it.”
“If you chose to work this out, what most people don’t tell you is how long it will take for you to trust him, and how every year on those days it will eat you alive and how so many small things will remind you and make you think you weren’t good enough. The thing is, you can get past that and be happy. Do what you think is best for your family!!”
“The fact that he told you about it right after it happened and is going to counseling means he felt remorse and is doing what he can to try to do the right thing. See if the counseling can help bring out something in the relationship that needs to be addressed. I’ve been through infidelity but my husband didn’t care or even try to get counseling and we ended up divorced.”
“That’s a question only you can answer… in my experience if he is remorseful and wants to work on things and is willing to change his behavior, then yes it can work, but with that, you also need to take a hard look at yourself and be willing to change things as well. Therapy is a great step to take for the healing process. It’s a long hard road and he has to realize that you are going to take time to heal and he has to be there for you 100% during that.”
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