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QUESTION: How Can My Partner and I Best Break the News of My Pregnancy to His Ex Without Causing Drama?
“Mommas, I need advice. My partner and I are having a baby! However, we both have kids from previous relationships. How did you guys address your new babies with your other children’s parents?
I’m nervous about resentment or for my stepdaughter’s mother to try and keep her from her dad because I got pregnant. (She still has hope they will get back together.)
How do I address the new baby and also let them know that just because there’s a new baby that our other children are still priorities? Did you guys ever have any issues or conflicts?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Why do you want everyone in your business? If she has hope they’re getting back together then sorry, sister, he’s entertaining that.”
“I’m gonna go against what half of these people are saying. I think effective communication is important. The child needs a support system and everyone to be in the know. Just because she has hopes that they’ll get back together doesn’t mean he’s feeding it. It just means well… maybe he was her great love and she’s having a hard time getting past it. I would say sit down with the ex and the child and explain the changes that are coming and how your focus on the existing child(ren) will be unchanged.”
“When I told my daughter’s father I was having a baby I allowed my daughter to tell him. We’re not together, haven’t been in 6 years. We co-parent in a way that allows our daughter to see both her parents together but separated. He was happy for me, he knows being a mom has always been my biggest dream and due to medical issues, I’ve lost many pregnancies (a few with him)…
He also was happy for our daughter because she finally got a sibling after 6 years of being an only child. He has held my son, he is friends with my fiancé now (father of my son) and his family and him even buys my son stuff for holidays! I’ve been blessed with a pretty great father of my daughter.Don’t get me wrong we still have our issues but we put our daughters wants/ needs above all else.”
“I’m someone who is in this situation. My ex and his new wife is having a new baby. They didn’t tell me nor do I think it is any of my business. But it would of been nice to know because when my kids came back from the weekend visitation they act like they would nervous and I knew they didn’t want to say anything. So I finally call and ask what was going on the kids and why are they acting differently. So my advice do what best for kids. The kids might appreciate if you guys show you can communicate. It will affect the kids.”
“Nobody needs to be told. Time and the appearance of a baby can inform them. If she thinks she can get him back, he made her believe it.”
“You don’t have to inform the ex, it’s none of their business. Just let the kids know that they’re gonna have a baby sibling.”
“Why is it her business? She ain’t the one having the baby and you sure as heck didn’t lay with her to make it. She doesn’t have the right to know anything about your life. We didn’t say crap to her, I think the kids did and even then she made it about hurting her. If she’s bitter from the go, she’s gonna be bitter no matter what. Save yourself the drama.”
“Do it together and just tell her y’all are expecting. Don’t make a big fuss with her and I wouldn’t go into detail about how it won’t affect anything. Just keep it polite and simple. Actions, once the baby gets here, will speak louder than any words. Also, he needs to put his foot down and let her know they are not getting back together. He can be polite and tell her, he will always care to the extent of them having a child together, but that’s it. Good luck, momma!”
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