A mom writes in asking for advice about her daughter. She says her 7-year-old daughter, who is currently doing online school from home, has started “accidentally” pooping her pants. She uses the toilet as per usual to pee. This mom says her daughter told her that she doesn’t want to stop playing with her siblings in order to go to the bathroom, hence the accidents. This mom has tried talking to her “like a friend.” She has tried yelling. Nothing seems to be solving the issue. What should she do?
A member of the community asks:
“My 7-year-old keeps having accidents: Advice?”
“I have a seven-year-old daughter & we are doing online schooling for first grade. She keeps ‘accidentally’ pooping in her panties, but she pees in the toilet. The past two weeks have been rough. Talking to her as a friend does no good. Yelling at her doesn’t phase her.
We know it is not diarrhea; she specifically told us that she doesn’t want to stop playing with siblings to go poop. I have thrown away numerous pairs of panties because, honestly, they are destroyed to the point that I’m not putting them in my brand new washer. Please help.
Community Advice for This Mom Whose 7-Year-Old Daughter Keeps ‘Accidentally’ Pooping Her Pants
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Make her clean herself up. Get an old bucket make her wash out her own panties to the point they are clean enough to wash. Use cold water for her to clean herself up. Don’t make it pleasant. Actions (or lack thereof) have consequences. Unless she is delayed or doesn’t have a medical condition she can learn to go to the toilet.”
“Talk to her. Have her talk to the Dr. It could be the stress of quarantine or the disruption in the schedule. Not everything has to be punished out of kids…”
“I would take her to a doctor to rule anything out instead of shaming her.”
“Jfc. Yelling at a child for having an accident isn’t going to help the situation. It causes unnecessary stress and a divide in the relationship, which can make it worse. Have some empathy. She’s only been in this world for 7 years. Her brain has like 20 more years before it’s done developing.”
“Hear me when I say this!!!!! Have her seen by a medical doctor FIRST!!! I went through the same thing with my own son. He was embarrassed that he couldn’t hold it to get to the bathroom in time, so he lied to me and said he didn’t want to stop playing and just pooped himself. Turns out, he was severely constipated, which caused tears in his bowels; he never felt the poop come out at all. We only knew he did it because of the smell. Please do not punish her until you have her checked.”
“Making my boys hand wash their underwear seemed to help. And explain to her that it now takes more time away from playing because she has to clean up the mess when she could have just done it right the first time.”
“If she actually admitted it’s because she doesn’t want to stop playing then ground her from playing. Tell her she can play again once she learns to poop in the toilet again. Normally I’d say it’s medical but she admitted it.”
“I’m sorry you are going through this right now. Everything going on around us is difficult to process. Imagine what it does to a child. The change of not being around her peers & friends. The change of a daily routine. The change of not going to school. It’s difficult as a parent to trudge through the murky waters. Where is that life handbook??…
… Step back and reevaluate the situation. Use your motherly instincts. Sometimes our mouth gets ahead of our brains, I would pencil through the ideas and pros and cons of each. Do what’s best for your situation. Take into account any changes big or small, and any other abnormal behavior. I wish you the best of luck!!”
“My 5-year-old did this. After having to clean his own underwear, by hand, a couple of times he stopped.”
“I worked in an elementary school years ago and a child was doing that. There is a reason behind it. Mainly it’s a control thing. The doctors and therapists said because he had no control over his home life or whatever was going on that pooping was the only thing he felt he could control.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Answers by Mamas Uncut forum, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it on the Answers forum, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.