chuck norris jokes

75 Hilarious Chuck Norris Jokes

Who doesn’t love a little bit of stupid? Chuck Norris jokes gained traction several years ago and folks are still turning to these ridiculous jokes for a good laugh. Chuck Norris, 82, is a fascinating figure with many martial arts degrees and titles. He also has many acting credits but he is best known for his starring role in Walker, Texas Ranger. To many, Norris is an American treasure.

Chuck Norris jokes are ironic at best and sardonic at worst. These jokes poke fun at Norris and his reputation for kicking the butts of baddies in a number of his projects. They are over the top and very silly. We decided to round up 75 of the best Chuck Norris jokes to share with you. Take a look below and prepare to smile!

Funny Chuck Noris Jokes

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  • The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
  • Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
  • Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

Ridiculous Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
  • Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
  • Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

Silly Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
  • Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
  • Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.

Subversive Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
  • Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
  • When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Classic Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
  • The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

Stupid Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72 and they’re all lethal.
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
  • In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

Brilliant Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

Wacky Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
  • Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Offbeat Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  • Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  • Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.

Singular Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
  • Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Colorful Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Special Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
  • Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.

Winning Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Some kids pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
  • Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  • If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

RELATED: 155 Best Dark Humor Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle

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  • Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
  • On the 7th day, God rested and Chuck Norris took over.
  • Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.

Sidesplitting Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light

Amusing Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
  • Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
  • In The Beginning, there was nothing. Then, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

Entertaining Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

Humorous Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
  • Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
  • In an average living room, there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Droll Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
  • Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Laughable Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once went skydiving but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Hysterical Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Riotous Chuck Norris Quotes

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  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.

Weird Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Over the Top Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
  • The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: Tell Me a Joke – 200+ Silly Jokes

Our Favorite Chuck Norris Jokes

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  • The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  • When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

There you go! We hope you got a laugh out of these funny Chuck Norris jokes. They are mostly stupid and that makes them especially enjoyable. Share these jokes with others who share your offbeat sense of humor!

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