after finalizing my divorce, my daughters want nothing to do with their dad: how can i change that?

After Finalizing My Divorce, My Daughters Want Nothing to Do with Their Dad: How Can I Change That?

A mom writes in asking for advice. After a long and (mostly) good marriage, she divorced her husband following a cheating incident. Since finalizing the divorce, the mom’s two grown daughters (18 and 21) refuse to have a relationship with their dad This mom wants to help her daughters repair their relationship with their father, but needs help.

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A member of the community asks:

My girls want nothing to do with their dad after we divorced: How can I change this?

Recently divorced after 24 years of a pretty great marriage (except the last 2 years). Husband had 2-year affair. Our daughters are 21 (married) & 18 (senior in high school). The oldest won’t speak to him at all. The 18-year-old was always his sidekick/shadow. She now doesn’t want to spend any time with her dad. I don’t/can’t force her to. Any advice on repairing their relationship? I hate to think of my girls not ever having a good relationship with their dad. Thanks!

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Help Her Daughters Repair Their Relationship with Their Dad

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionMy girls want nothing to do with their dad after we divorced: How can I change this?Recently divorced…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Monday, December 2, 2019

Advice Summary

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While many commenters were super-sympathetic towards this mom’s situation, the overwhelming advice boils down to the following: There likely isn’t anything she can do to help her daughters repair their relationship with their dad except give them time.

“Give it time. You sound as if this is not a problem for you. They feel he cheated on you. People drift apart. Try to let them know how you feel,” one said.

“They are 18yo plus. Let them be. For the moment they are hurt with what he did. They feel betrayed,” said another. “Give them space and time. Don’t mention anything. Your ex lost the respect and trust they had for him. It’s going to be a long road but it’s your kids’ road to walk. Don’t interfere.”

Another added: “Love them. Do not talk crap about him and breathe girl. They will come around when they are ready.”

In addition to advising this mom to give her daughters time, many commenters felt it is the dad’s responsibility to repair his relationships with them, not the mom’s.

“They are old enough to make their own decisions. They are clearly mad at the dad and that is something that the dad has to repair with them without you to intervene.”

We also enjoyed this sympathetic response:

“Bless your heart, Momma.Talk to them. A good marriage for all those years I’m sure meant a good childhood, so maybe they need a little time, but also to know you are okay. They are lucky to still have two loving parents.”

We wish you the best of luck, mama!

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