A mom writes in asking for advice after her child’s father wasn’t awarded any custody of him due to his involvement in drugs and criminal activity. However, now that their 1-year-old son no longer sees his father every day, he’s been asking for him. The mom says she has every intention of telling her son about his father when he’s old enough to understand. But right now hearing her son look for his father is breaking her heart. Do you have any advice for this torn mother?
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A member of the community asks:
“I am involved in a divorce and because of drugs, criminal activity, child abuse, and various other issues. The father was not awarded any custody or visitation [in the] agreement. Our child is a year and a half old and it has now been a couple of weeks since he has seen his father. But he still wanders around saying, “Daddy.” He was looking at pictures on the wall and points at them and says, “Daddy.”
It broke my heart and I took them down. I obviously plan to tell him about his father down the road, but it’s not anything I can explain to him right now because he’s so little. I guess I’m just wondering if anybody else in this situation can give me some insight on how to handle this.
How long was it before he forgets about his dad? Like I said, I don’t want to pretend like he never existed, I have every intention of showing him who he is. And I made a scrapbook of some pictures that we have, but is it selfish to just hide them all right now and want him to forget about him? Until I can better explain what happened?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Doesn’t Know How to Tell Her Child About His Father
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
People who were in a similar situation to this mom had this to say. One commenter wrote, “I have been in this situation. I waited until she was 12 to give her the details about why I kept her away. Before then, I would just tell her it was in her best interest to not have him around.”
Another person added, “My daughter’s father is a drug addict. He’s met her twice and lately, she’s been saying “daddy” a lot. I just plan on telling her, when she’s old enough to understand, that her dad had some problems, he’s sick, and that he had to go away in order to get better and for us to be safe.”
And one mom wrote, “Right now he’s young. You don’t have to explain anything. If questions come up later down the line be honest but fair. It is his father. My mother never spoke a bad word about my father and I figured out on my own that I didn’t want his negativity in my life. Your son will most likely do the same.”
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