An anonymous man went on to share how he was out of town when he received a heartbreaking call from his wife stating that she miscarried the baby — but he later discovered it was a lie.
The Original Poster (OP) went on to explain how both he and his wife have been married for three years. In this time, they have been trying to have a baby, that is, he believed they were trying. On the forum r/relationship advice, the OP revealed how he had talked about their future at length.
“We both wanted to have children and after we got married we decided to first buy a house and get things in order financially before having children,” he wrote. “Last year we both mutually agreed that we were in the right place to try for a child, in fact it was my wife who put the idea forward.”
And eight months ago, his wife became pregnant. She was just six weeks along when they found out. The OP was “elated” as he had “always wanted to be a father and it seemed like something I never thought was possible was coming true,” he shared.
They quickly began nesting by purchasing baby books, planning the nursery and getting everything in between for baby.
“I had never been happier [than] at this moment,” he added.
Just a few weeks later, the OP took an eight-day trip for work. But while abroad, he received a heart-wrenching phone call.
“Whilst I was abroad, my wife called, she was crying and told me she had a miscarriage,” he recalled. “She was 18 weeks pregnant at this point.” He quickly went home to be with her. “I was devastated with the news, but I never properly mourned as I felt I had to be emotionally strong for my wife who was a wreck,” he explained.
While it was obviously a tragic time for them both as a couple, he hoped the experience, in turn, would make them stronger. He then wrote how he knew that giving his wife time and space was absolutely necessary before considering getting pregnant.
Then, a phone call from his wife’s best friend rocked his world.
About a week ago, the friend called and said she had something “important” to tell him. Allegedly, the wife had scheduled an abortion while he was at the conference. The friend revealed the wife’s reasoning was “that she wasn’t ready to be a parent,” he recalled.
“My wife also said didn’t want me to know about the abortion because I was so excited to be a parent and she didn’t want to hurt me.”
While he did not want to believe this was the actual truth, when he confronted his wife, she admitted it was in fact, the truth.
“I’m in shock right now. I’m hurt, angry and upset,” he wrote. “I just don’t understand why she didn’t just speak to me about it. I understand that my wife is the one carrying the child, and at the end has the right to make any decision she wants, but why lie about the whole situation,” he wrote.
And while the OP loves his wife, he is currently reconsidering the entire relationship. While she has apologized and begged the OP to forgive her, he says “..this is a huge betrayal to me, and I can’t even look at her right now.”
Adding, “I’ve just gone down to the spare bedroom and locked myself inside, please someone just tell me what to do.”
One commenter gave their two cents, saying:
“Aborting the pregnancy is one thing, and can definitely be a source of conflict if one partner wants the child and the other doesn’t. Making that decision unilaterally, without permitting your partner any input on the decision? That’s something that should seriously rock the relationship to its foundations. Very hard to come back from, a definite source of mistrust.”
While another posed an interesting theory…
“I think it’s worth mentioning the timing. 12 weeks is the end of the first trimester and she waited until 18 to have the abortion. She was 2 weeks away from the halfway point and eligible for an anatomy scan. This wasn’t a pill she took, it would have to have been a full induced delivery. It’s possible she was even feeling kicks. OP said their families knew about the pregnancy. I’m wondering if she found out about a major deformity and hid it from him or possibly a paternity test with another man. I’m all for a woman’s right to choose, but the lack of communication here is astoundingly toxic for a loving relationship. This is like “living a lie” level deceit.”
What do you think? Comment below with your thoughts!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.