A mom writes in asking for advice about when other moms knew they were done having kids. This mom says she and her husband currently have three children altogether. (They have one child together and then each has a child from a previous relationship.) Her husband has a vasectomy scheduled for October, which initially this mom was fine with, but after thinking more about it, she is worried she may end up wanting more children down the line. What factors should she seriously consider before deciding for sure she is done having kids?
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A member of the community asks:
How did you know when you were done having kids?
I want to know how other ppl knew they were done with kids… I know it’s a personal decision ultimately, but what factors did you consider? My hubby has one, I have two — one from him one from the previous relationship — so three altogether.
With his, we only get the child every other weekend. We just had ours a few months ago, and my husband just scheduled a vasectomy for October… Before, I was all for it, but as soon as the date got set, I just don’t know!! What if when our LO is out of the baby stage, and I’m no longer tired, I want another!?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Unsure if She Is Really Done Having Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“My husband and I wanted 4. After the birth of our second, we have GLADLY decided hellll to the naaaahhhh.”
“I always knew 2 was enough. I had a boy the first and girl second. People would ask what if the 2nd was a boy. Well, we would’ve had 2 boys. Both have a girl. We love them more than there are stars in the sky.”
“I just knew that I didn’t want anymore. I had no problems, no complications, nothing like that. I had 3 in under 5 years. I was in my early 20s and I just knew that I couldn’t take anymore. Not physically, mentally, emotionally. I just knew I couldn’t do another kid. My OBG-YN did however say that he would do a vasectomy for my husband, but only after our last was born. So, after the youngest was born he booked the appointment and it was done within a couple of weeks.”
“If you are now second-guessing, I’d hold off and reschedule for mid next year. Give yourself a little more time to think it over. By then you could be more confident in whichever choice you decide.”
“We knew we were ready when the thought of starting over again didn’t seem fun. We liked being able to do new things with our kids and we didn’t like the idea of having to wake up in the middle of the night. We couldn’t be able to afford to have another and we are very happy with our little family of 4. This is something you need to talk to your husband about”
“I never really think I’m done but definitely about to have a very long well-deserved break as we’ve had 4 babies in 5 years and also share care of my 10-year-old. I guess others look at factors including financial, health, practicalness, general mama wellbeing, and how you’re managing, etc.”
“My husband and I talked about it, but ultimately I made the decision (which was easy because we both agreed). My pregnancies are always so hard (constant puking, pressure on nerves to my legs, etc), so we decided to get my tubes tied while I have a C-section. If we had to, he even agreed to a vasectomy. But this is our third and we have three adopted kids, so six total.”
“Honestly, sit down and talk, but if he’s decided he’s done having kids, it’s his decision to get snipped, just like it would be your decision to get your tubes tied. But have a serious discussion about it.”
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