A mom writes in asking for advice about whether she should draw a line in the sand between her child’s father and her family. She says her child’s father left her years ago when she was pregnant with their child. Now, her son is two-years-old. In all of that time, the child’s father has only seen his son twice. He lives in a different state and is generally not at all involved in their lives. However, recently he has demanded that this mom send their child to him so he can spend time with his other kids. This man doesn’t pay child support or provide in any other way. And it gets worse from there. Should she draw a line in the sand with her child’s father?
A member of the community asks:
“When do I draw a line with the other parent?”
“So at what point does a single mom draw a line? My son’s father left when I was three months pregnant, and our son is just shy of 2 now. He randomly sent a nasty message demanding I put him on a plane and to see him and his siblings… he also said I should update HIS family about our son.
Furthermore, my son’s dad isn’t on his birth certificate. We live in different states, and he’s met our son 2x over a year ago; he doesn’t pay child support and is very intermittent with contact. Our son is a secret to his new baby mom, so there are only certain hours that he can call and vice versa.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Ready to Draw a Line in the Sand with Her Child’s Father
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You don’t cave. Block him and move on. Your child is not a revolving door for when someone feels like being in their life. In the end, it will hurt him more having him around like that.”
“If he can’t be consistent in your son’s life I would cut him off completely! If he wants to see him and be part of his life he will make more effort. It’s not fair to your son and it will be very confusing and upsetting for your son if he is in and out of his life.”
“I’d laugh him out of the room. There is no way someone with so little involvement should be able to DEMAND anything from me. He is at YOUR mercy. Furthermore, I wouldn’t let my child be involved with anyone if they’re being kept a secret from a baby momma. That’s HIS child. Why is he a secret in the first place…
… I’d just stop responding. Tell him he’s more than welcome to start asking things of you as soon as he gets on a proper visitation schedule and starts helping financially. That should take care of it because he likely doesn’t want any real responsibility.”
“Honestly I’d cut it off while your son is still young enough to not know what’s going on. Before he gets hurt. He’s honestly not invested in his child.”
“If he’s that adamant on it, I’d be telling him that you’re going to go through the process of putting him on the birth certificate and then you’re going to get child support. See what he has to say about that. Oh, and you might want to tell him to shove it when it comes to HIS expectation on you telling his family about the child. After you do that, block that loser’s number. You don’t owe him anything. All of the ball’s are in your court.”
“Don’t talk to him. If he wants to see his child he can pay to go to court, get a DNA test, be put on the birth certificate and get visitation. Unless he does that, ignore him completely.”
“If he has stayed out of your son’s life this long, do full custody and tell him to go away.”
“I would stop all contact now. If he’s not on the birth certificate, then he has no legal right to the child until he goes to court to prove paternity and get a parenting plan put in place by a judge. You have no obligation to continue with toxic interactions. Sounds like you and your child are better off without this ‘father.'”
“I’d tell him to get bent. If he wants to see the child he can figure out for you guys to get there and room and board for our stay. Better yet, he can bring you to court and pay child support and it won’t be a secret. If he really cared he would be there.”
“You should’ve drawn the line when he had left you pregnant at 3 months!! If he’s not even on the birth certificate then I don’t see why you’re entertaining it! Think about the harm that will do to your kid by having someone that obviously cares nothing about your child!”
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