A mom writes in asking for advice about dealing with family dynamics during the current stay-at-home orders in place throughout the country. She says she and her husband have been arguing a lot, and that her kids have definitely taken notice. Her kids seem to think they always argue a lot, but this mom is only now realizing it due to the current circumstances.
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A member of the community asks:
“My family and I have been non-stop arguing: Advice?
Ok, so I have a question. The stress of the COVID-19 epidemic has put a huge strain on our household like everyone else. My husband and I got into a huge argument over basically nothing. Just frustration over the whole situation. It kinda freaked the kids out, and they were very upset. I tried to talk to them after about how sometimes people get frustrated and argue.
Basically, my nine-year-old said we argue all the time, and it makes him upset. This is upsetting to me for sure. I don’t believe we argue all the time, but I do believe we argue about once a week. How much is harmful to kids? I feel like we do love each other, but the frustration of daily life takes its toll. I was kinda taken back by my kid saying we as argue all the time, but I guess it’s true. This has been going on for years. How much arguing is too much arguing? We are the only couple we know still together after 12 plus years. I just don’t want to damage my kids by making them think yelling and arguing is the norm.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Constantly Argues with Her Family
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“If your child tells you it’s too much, it’s too much. As parents, we have to learn to be adults. If you have the need to argue or do anything that would upset your children, do it away from them. No relationship is perfect, but try to avoid anything that will hurt them. Their feelings matter.”
“Stop doing it in front of your kids!!”
“Aside from quarantine there really is no need to argue in front of kids… just put it on hold and do it when they are at school or out of the house. And just have a discussion, I don’t think arguing is necessary at all. You can have a difference of opinion about lots of things if you are both honest about your real feelings you may find that you aren’t compatible anymore or that normally it’s a big misunderstand and it’s not about you at all. It’s stress about work or family or obligations etc. I lived in a home with a lot of arguing, makes for a very stressful living environment for a child as they have no control.”
“It’s normal for couples to argue often. But do it in private.”
“Baby being together 12 plus years really doesn’t mean anything if your relationship is toxic to the kids. NO relationship is without its problems, HOWEVER, kids should NEVER be put in a situation to deal with ADULT subject matter. Both of you need to STOP arguing in front of the kids.”
“Biggest thing I’ve learned is do not what so ever argue in front of the kids! Wait till they go to bed, send them to play outside or in the other room, text it if you have to but kids see, hear, and sense everything even if you think they don’t.”
“Arguing is part of every relationship. As much as people say to never argue in front of kids it will likely happen at least once. My belief is if you start an argument in front of your kids resolve it in front of them as well. Even if y’all resolved it alone re-address it with them there. I believe it’s super important to show kids how to appropriately handle conflicts in relationships. That’s how they are going to learn if/when they are in their own relationships. Best of luck to you mama! Yalls got this!”
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