A mom writes in asking for advice about her relationship with her husband. She says that she has begun feeling resentment towards him, to the point where all she can do is cry and feel angry. What should she do?
Writer, podcaster, and mom Erika Hardison weighs in with some expert advice below.
A Mamas Uncut fan asks:
“I am starting to resent my husband: Advice? I have started to get resentful towards my husband and Idk what to do. I don’t even know how to put it into words, but I just cry all the time, and I’m always so angry now. Has anyone else gone through this?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
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Advice from Erika Hardison
Well, first of all, it is normal to resent your husband sometimes, especially when you are postpartum. Moms tend to do a lot of emotional and mental labor, and husbands and dads seem to have the easiest part of the job as a parent and provider. Even stay-at-home-moms can feel resentful and underappreciated by their partners and a lot of the issues stem from lack of communication.
Most men can’t understand postpartum or how frustrating and overwhelmed a mom can be when she is dealing with kids all day. If you wish to work it out, you can do so with open and honest communication, explaining boundaries and expressing your needs clearly.
Try to talk to your husband when you are not angry. I would suggest talking to him after a date night out when you both are in better spirits. Explain to him what makes you frustrated and how it makes you feel. If you can write it out that works as well. Write out all the things that make you frustrated with him. Is he slacking on his fair share of household chores? Does he make a bigger mess than the kids? Do you feel emotionally and physically disconnected from him? All of these issues can be addressed and worked on if you want to work on it.
The worst thing you can do is not say anything and allow the resentment to build up and play itself out in misguided ways. If you want to save your marriage you can and there are ways to do it. If all else fails, you can seek a family therapist to help sort out the heart of the problem. If none of those options work and you are still miserable, you should consider divorce and find your happiness however you need to.
[Images via Shutterstock]
Erika Hardison is a writer, social media junkie, podcaster and aspiring novelist from Chicago currently residing in New Jersey. When she’s not bridging the gap between Black feminism and superheroes on FabulizeMag.com, she’s spending sleepless nights as a new mom with her talkative toddler, playing and giggling under the covers.