A mom writes in asking for advice about her fiancé, who is on a different page than her when it comes to maintaining their home. She says that though she is not materialistic, her family “holds a strong reputation” where she lives, and she likes to keep her home in order because of that. Her fiancé, however, “couldn’t care less.” He leaves visible messes, such as oil spills in the driveway. He has left their Christmas lights up for at least 7 months. How can this mom work with her partner to get him to help take better care of where they live?
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A member of the community asks:
“How do I get my partner to have pride in our home?
I’m not a materialistic person, I don’t try to keep up with the Joneses so to speak, but where I live my family holds a strong reputation, and I want to keep that going and to have general pride in my home.
My fiancé couldn’t care less. There are oil spill marks in the driveway, random stuff everywhere, Christmas lights STILL up. We love in a beautiful house it is a nice area. Am I too OCD here, or is there some way to get him to see how the pride of ownership is a real thing?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants Her Fiancé to Take More Pride in Their Home and Its Upkeep
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Why don’t you clean it up?”
“It’s annoying… But honestly, if you want something done do it yourself.”
“Ok. Seriously. Please ignore EVERYONE that says you need to clean up after him. He should have respect for himself and his house, as well as you. It won’t change. I promise.”
I take a lot of pride in my property and home so I do a lot of the outside work as well. He works long hours so We work together as a team to get everything accomplished. I would tell him that it is something that is very important to me and that he needs to step up and contribute. He may not have the same drive to do it but he should absolutely learn to respect your wants as well and help out…
… It is absolutely untrue that people do not or cannot change. Those people are unwilling to change for the better because they are stuck in a comfortable place, complacent. Everyone grows and changes and can make changes for the better, it is whether they’re willing or not. And reasons like these are why women today don’t need men because they’re basically doing it all on their own anyway, so what are they good for? More work and another person to take care of, not in this house!!”
“Not trying to sound like a jerk, but if you want the Christmas lights down, there is a ladder somewhere you can use. If those oil stains bother you, look up how to take care of them. It is 2020, and while it is nice to have help, we don’t need to wait on the men to do all the work.”
“The way I got my fiance to start caring about our home was every time someone was coming over I would start cleaning. When he would ask me why I was cleaning, I would tell him I was embarrassed by the way the house looked through someone else’s eyes. Now when someone comes over, he’s cleaning before I even get the chance.”
“Go outside. Remove lights and clean oil spills. Problem solved.”
“Maybe start a job you want to be done first. Usually when I want something done that my husband keeps procrastinating, I’ll start it without him and then he always comes in and takes over. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily that he doesn’t have pride in our home; it’s just a matter of ‘well it’s not going anywhere so I’ll mess with it later’ attitude… if that makes any sense.”
“I, myself, would get out there and START taking care of it myself. If he’s a decent man he will either help or take over. Always worked for me.”
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