A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband. She says her husband, to whom she has been married for 7 years, does nothing to help her or their kids. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t help around the house. He keeps making efforts that only last for days before going back to doing nothing. Things are only becoming more strained with time. They have been to counseling, but the problems remain. Should this mom give up on the marriage or keep trying?
A member of the community asks:
“My husband doesn’t help with anything: Am I overreacting?
Those of you in a serious relationship: I’d like to know if I’m overreacting. My hubby and I will be married 7 years on the 29th. We have a 6-year-old and seven-month-old baby. Hubby usually helps very little. If I ask him for help, he makes a big deal out of it. I nearly died having our last baby after falling and losing 4 pints of blood. Hubby was super helpful and protective. Wouldn’t let me do anything that could hurt me. That lasted two, maybe three weeks.
I have told him if he doesn’t straighten up and help and do something besides lying around all the time, I’m kicking him out. The kids need a better role model. Both are boys, so their father definitely needs to step up. I thought he heard me and was going to change because he started helping without being asked or told. He started taking on some responsibility. That lasted four days. Not even a week, and it’s back to being all on me. Mind you, he doesn’t work anywhere and hasn’t since November of last year.
I am going to school and homeschooling my oldest and breastfeeding the youngest. I work part-time, and if it wasn’t for my parents helping me I’d be doing everything around the house. Yesterday and today, he’s been threatening to leave, which is upsetting the kids, and they’re begging him to stay. Part of me wants to tell him to get the f*** out. But the other part of me doesn’t want my kids upset. Would you just file for divorce and give up after years of counseling and trying? Or would you go back to counseling and try to make it work for the 3rd time?”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Husband Doesn’t Help Their Family At All
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Coming from a guy who is a dedicated husband and father that cleans and cooks, he’s pathetic. My wife always says she loves how much I do for her and our children and that’s a great thing to hear and know that she and my kids are happy. Find someone who gets enjoyment from you being happy and doesn’t mind sharing the responsibility of the home and kids an work that’s what a relationship is supposed to be, I believe.”
“He’s not helping financially support your family at the very least? I would have a conversation with him before he says anything in front of the kids again and tell him to get out. It sounds like you’re doing it on your own anyway; you’ll be happier with him not laying on your couch while you do everything. Your kids deserve a happy mom.”
“That’s not a husband, that’s a third child. Move on. You’re already a single mom, may as well make it official and move on with your life.”
“Why do women put up with this??? Girl, LEAVE. You deserve a better partner and your boys deserve a better male figure.”
“No ma’am you are not overreacting. My husband works full time & still comes home & helps. I’m 7 months pregnant. If I cook, he cleans. He cleans the cat’s litter box. He cleans the bathroom bc he doesn’t want me around the chemicals. These are just some of the very helpful things he does. He goes to the grocery store, takes out the trash. Cleans our vehicles. I’m just saying you are in a relationship & you 2 are partners. This man needs to wake up. Bc if he’s not in this with you, what do you need him for?”
“My hubby was out of work for a month because of COVID and I was working from home, and he literally cleaned everything, and took care of our daughter (not even bio dad), cooked dinner, ran me baths like partners are supposed to do. If your dude isn’t doing anything to better your family’s life, then why is he there?”
“Do not involve the children in adult problems. Your 7-year-old should not be hearing you discuss the possibility of him leaving. Even if you separate, there is a right way to do that so it doesn’t traumatize the children more than it naturally will.”
“Hmmmm difficult one. I’m afraid there is no right or wrong! I will however say that he hasn’t changed after counseling twice so I doubt he will change after a third time! Follow your heart, if you do everything alone anyway, what’s the point of a husband? Hope you find the answer that makes you happy.”
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