150 Friends TV Show Quotes That Will Make Your Day

Andrew Kreeger

3 years ago

Ross, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are all characters that we know and love deeply thanks in no small part to the show’s excellent dialogue and Friends TV show quotes that we all grew to love. The sitcom captured a moment in American culture when we all realized that friends are family and family is what you make it. Friends was a sitcom that aired for a decade from 1994-2004. The show was not only a ratings success, but it also had a huge cultural impact.

We all know “a Joey” or have an offbeat friend like Phoebe. The characters were so well-developed it was hard not to love each and every one of them. The theme of Friends, of course, was friendship and how those relationships are so valuable, especially in adulthood. Friends are just as important as family when you’re dealing with romantic struggles, professional struggles, and much more. The characters on the sitcom went through it all and were there for each other every step of the way. Let’s take a look at some of the best punchy dialogue from the series in this list of Friends TV show quotes.

These Friends TV Show Quotes Will Make Your Day!

The Best Friends TV Show Quotes from Chandler Bing

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“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”
“You have to stop the Q-tip when there’s resistance!”
“I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work, and/or are sick.”
(Talking about Rachel’s hat) “Wait a minute, I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me! I can’t have children!”
Ross: “I can’t believe you two had sex in her dream.”
Chandler: “I’m sorry, it was a one-time thing. I was very drunk, and it was someone else’s subconscious.”
“I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work, and/or are sick.”

More Friends TV Show Quotes from Chandler

“I mean, sure, I have my bad days. But then I remember what a cute smile I have.”
Chandler: “I’m getting dressed.”
Joanna: “Why?”
Chandler: “When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.”
“Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your ‘cancer’ and your ’emphysema’ and your ‘heart disease.’ The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.”
Joey: “Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like, the greatest actress since, since… sliced bread!”
Chandler: “Ahh, sliced bread. A wonderful Lady Macbeth.”
(Speaking to Ross) “If you’re not careful, you might not get married at all this year.”
“Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your ‘cancer’ and your ’emphysema’ and your ‘heart disease.’ The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.”

More Chandler Friends TV Show Quotes

“Hi. I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”
Chandler: “No, no, we’re not together. We’re not a couple — we’re definitely not a couple.”
Saleswoman: “Oh, sorry.”
Joey: “Wow, you, uh, you seem pretty insulted by that. What, I’m not good enough for you?”
Chandler: “We’re not gonna have this conversation. Again.”
Ross: “Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! (as they try to lift his sofa up a flight of stairs)”
Chandler: “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
Ross: “I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.”
Chandler: “Was that place the sun?”
Janice: “What a small world!”
Chandler: “And yet I never run into Beyoncé!”
Chandler: “I got her machine.”
Joey: “Her answering machine?”
Chandler: “No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.”

Chandler’s Best Friends TV Show Quotes

Monica: “OK, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.”
Chandler: “Sounds like a date to me.”
Monica: “You are so cute. How did you get to be so cute?”
Chandler: “Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.”
Phoebe: “You are not gonna believe this — I have just been discovered!”
Chandler: “Now, wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago!”
Phoebe: “Why would you kill his fish?”
Chandler: “Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish.”
(As he prepares to break up with Janice for the third time) “There’s no easy way to say this. At least, there’s no new way for me to say this.”
Chandler: “From now on it’s gonna be the four of you guys and me and the Mrs. Little Woman. Wife. The old ball and chain.”
Monica: “Old?”
Chandler: “Young hot ball and chain.”

Even More Friends TV Show Quotes from Chandler

Joey: “My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!”
Phoebe: “Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.”
Chandler: “Hey, yeah, we could all sleep together, and then one of us could get amnesia.”
“All right, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put career before men.”
Joey: “You didn’t cry when Bambi’s mom died?”
Chandler: “Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.”
“Ah, ‘Hotties of the Paleontology Department.’ There’s a big-selling calendar, eh?”
“Oh, I know. This must be so hard. ‘Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!’”
“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

Hilarious Friends TV Show Quotes from Joey Tribbiani

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“So why don’t you be a grownup and come watch TV in the fort?”
“Look at me! I’m Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?!”
“I’m a lone wolf. A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever… What’s a lone wolf gotta do to get a hug around here?!”
“You can’t just give up. Is that what a dinosaur would do?”
“Man, I’m starving. What was I thinking at dinner? ‘Do you want soup or salad?’ Both. Always order both.”
Joey: “It was awkward. We were both nervous.”
Phoebe: “Didn’t you sleep together?”
Joey: “Yeah. That really calms me down.”

More Amazing Friends TV Show Quotes from Joey

Rachel: “Joey, you can’t steal an award.”
Joey: “I’m not stealing it. I’m accepting it on her behalf.”
Rachel: “You don’t even know what behalf means.”
Joey: “I know what it means. It’s a verb. As in, I behalf-ing it.”
“Joey doesn’t share food!”
Joey: “It was awkward. We were both nervous.”
Phoebe: “Didn’t you sleep together?”
Joey: “Yeah. That really calms me down.”
“How you doin’?”
Ross: “I’m man enough to play this sport.”
Joey: “You are not even man enough to get the channel that carries the sport.”
Joey: “Wait, wait, we have a copy of your keys.”
Monica: “Well then, get it, get it!”
Joey: “Hey, hey, that tone won’t make me go any faster.”
Monica: “Joey.”
Joey: “That one will.”

We Can’t Get Enough of the Joey Friends TV Show Quotes!

Rachel: “See? Unisex.”
Joey: “Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago.”
Rachel: “No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.”
Joey: “I wouldn’t say no to that.”
“What’s not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!”
Joey: “Occupation? Dinosaurs.”
Ross: “Actually I’m a paleo…”
Joey: “Dinosaurs is fine.”
Monica: “There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.”
Joey: “Tell me about it. I feel like I’m holding down the fort all by myself.”
“It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo.”
Monica: “You don’t think sharks are sexy, do you?”
Joey: “No. Wait, a minute. What was the Little Mermaid?”

More Friends TV Show Quotes from Joey

“OK. So I’m out $4,000 and nobody’s boobs are getting any bigger?”
Ross: “Hello? Did you not read the Lord of the Rings in high school?”
Joey: “No, I had sex in high school.”
“And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?”
“Well, the fridge broke so I had to eat everything.”
“It’s a rented tux. Okay? I’m not gonna go commando in another man’s fatigues!”
“Here come the meat sweats.”

Friends TV Show Quotes from Rachel Green

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Ross (with freshly whitened teeth): “Hey, Rachel, did you notice…” Rachel: “Your teeth? Yeah, I saw them from outside.”
Ross: “Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.” Rachel: “Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?”
“Ross! We broke up two years ago. You’ve been married since then. I think it’s OK that we see other people.”
Mrs. Green (looking out of Rachel’s window): “There’s an unattractive nude man playing the cello.” Rachel: “Yeah, well just be glad he’s not playing a smaller instrument.”
“No uterus, no opinion.”
Rachel (after Phoebe chickened out of getting a tattoo): “Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!” Phoebe: “I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle and did you know they do this with needles?” Rachel: “Really! You don’t say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!”

More Rachel Friends TV Show Quotes

Joey: “I… I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Rachel: “Who you talking to?”
Rachel (on her move to get Ross): “I got off the plane.”
Rachel: “Well, I found the hardware store by myself!”
Joey: “The hardware store’s just down the street.”
Rachel: “There’s a hardware store down the street?”
Phoebe: “There’s five hundred extra dollars in my account.”
Chandler: “Oh! Satan’s minions at work again.”
Phoebe: “Yes, coz, I have to go down there and deal with them.”
Joey: “What are you talking about? Keep it!”
Phoebe: “It’s not mine! I didn’t earn it. If I kept it, it would be like stealing!” Rachel: “Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!”
Chandler: “Can you see my nipples through this shirt?”
Rachel: “No. But don’t worry, I’m sure they’re still there.”
“Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I’m not drinking on this date tonight. I’m a recovering alcoholic, I’m a Mormon, or I got so hammered last night, I’m still a little drunk?”

Even More Friends TV Show Quotes from Rachel

“To Monica and Chandler! And that knocked-up girl in Ohio!”
Rachel (speaking about her crying baby): “Mon, what am I gonna do? It’s been hours and it won’t stop crying.”
Monica: “‘She,’ Rach. Not ‘it.’ ‘She.’”
Rachel: “Yeah. I’m not so sure.”
Rachel (speaking about her pink dress): “I can’t believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you’re nauseous!”
Chandler: “Rachel, did it bother you when Ross flirted with other women?”
Rachel: “No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.”
“Well, maybe I don’t need your money. Wait, wait! I said, ‘Maybe.’”
Ross (discussing baby names): “What about Ruth?”
Rachel: “I’m sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?”

More Iconic Friends TV Show Quotes from Rachel

“I’m over you. And that, my friends, is what you call closure.”
“Isn’t this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally… not worth it. Who’s FICA? Why’s he getting all my money?”
“How long do cats live? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something?”
“That’s a great story. Tell it while you’re getting me some iced tea.”
“Everyone is getting married or pregnant or promoted and I’m getting coffee! And it’s not even for me!”
“I’m so happy and not at all jealous.”

Hilarious Friends TV Show Quotes from Phoebe Buffay

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“Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.”
“Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
Tag Jones: “Phoebe. That’s a great name.” Phoebe: “Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.”
Mike: “Did you just hit my dad?”
Phoebe: “Yes. I’m sorry. I’ve never met a boyfriend’s parents before.”
Mike: “But, I mean, you have met humans before, right?”
Phoebe: “I think the most romantic song is the one Elton John wrote for the guy from Who’s the Boss.”
Monica: “Which one is that?”
Phoebe: “You know, hold me closer, Tony Danza”
Ross: “I’m not a pervert.”
Phoebe: “Please, that’s the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that.”

More of Phoebe’s Friends TV Show Quotes

Reporter: “I like that. What’s your name?”
Phoebe: “Phoebe. That’s, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in… Ello there mate.”
“It’s Nestle Toulouse.”
“I wish I could. But, I don’t want to.”
Joey: “Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here.”
Phoebe: “Really? Mine get me out of tickets.”
Pheobe (to a character played by Brad Pitt) “Oh, come on, Will. Just take off your shirt and tell us.”
“See? He’s her lobster.”

More Friends TV Show Quotes from Phoebe

Monica: “Do you have a plan?”
Phoebe: “I don’t even have a pla.”
“I can’t have a mimosa? I’m on vacation!”
“If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer.”
“Come on, Ross. You’re a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.”
“Well, you all know that I am a pacifist which means I am not interested in war — in any way. But when the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all; not you, Joey.”
“They don’t know that we know they know we know.”

Even More Fun Friends TV Show Quotes from Phoebe

Joey (while wearing women’s underwear): “Hey, Pheebs. Check it out!”
Phoebe: “Hmm, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut.”
“I’m very wise, I know.”
“This is the nicest kitchen. … The refrigerator told me to have a great day.”
“Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.”
“Oh, my God, a woman flirting with a single man? We must alert the church elders!”
“Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you greet us? I will … buy you some Adidas.”

Friends TV Show Quotes from Ross Geller

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“Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!”
Phoebe: “Have you ever chased someone to the airport before?”
Ross: “Not since my cop show got canceled.”
“Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!”
Joey: “Ross, did you really read all these baby books?”
Ross: “Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman’s uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like (snaps fingers) that.”
“Brussels sprouts? That’s worse than no food.”
Ross: “I’m just going to wander around in the rain.”
Rachel: “Uhh… it’s not raining.”
Ross: “I can’t catch a break!”

More of Ross’s Friends TV Show Quotes

“You’re over me? When were you… under me?”
Rachel: “Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that’s great.”
Ross: “Y’know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that’s half-human, half-pure evil!”
Phoebe: “Ross, why are you all hot and sweaty?”
Ross: “I just Bamboozled Chandler!… Which isn’t a sexual thing.”
Rachel: “No, you’re not an idiot, Ross. You’re a guy very much in love.”
Ross: “Same difference.”
Phoebe: “You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.”
Chandler: “Maureen Rosilla.”
Ross: “‘Cause she doesn’t hate Yanni is not a real reason.”
“Can’t hold her own head up. But, yeah. Jumped.”

More of Ross’s Best Friends TV Show Quotes

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“We were on a break!”
Ross: “Well, I sang… I rapped… ‘Baby Got Back.’”
Rachel: “What? You sang to our baby daughter a song about a man who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?”
Ross: “Well… if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image, because even women with big bottoms, or juicy doubles, can… (notices how angry Rachel is) Please don’t take her away from me.”
Ross (commenting on Rachel’s cat): “Why is it inside out?!”
“Unagi is a total state of awareness.”
“Well, Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing. Monica did.”
“I tell you, when I actually die, some people are going to get seriously haunted.”

Monica Geller’s Best Friends TV Show Quotes

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“Now, I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember: If I am harsh with you, it’s only because you’re doing it wrong.”
Joey: “It’s never taken me a week to get over a relationship.”
Monica: “It’s never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.”
“Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.”
“I’ve got this uncontrollable need to please people.”
Monica: “Still… it’s just such reckless spending.”
Ross: “I think when someone steals your credit card, they’ve kind of already thrown caution to the wind.”
Chandler: “Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.”
Monica: “That was me.”
“Yes. Chandler watches shark porn!”

More Friends TV Show Quotes Delivered by Monica

Chandler: “Today is the sixth.”
Monica: “No.” (Points Chandler to a calendar)
Chandler: “Yes. It’s also 2003.”
Monica: “That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!”
“I got one. ‘Socks. Because your family’s feet deserve the best.’”
Monica (commenting on Ross’s white suit): “I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.”
Monica: “I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.”
Rachel: “What’s the other one?”
Monica: “I don’t know. I’ve never had to use the other one.”
“I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. And what’s opposite of man? Jam.”
“And I have to live with a boy!”

More Funny Friends TV Show Quotes from Monica

“Damn all the jellyfish!”
“Marriage. It’s not for everybody.”
Rachel: “I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.”
Monica: “No, you go after them five minutes before they get married.”
“If you’re too afraid to be in a relationship, then don’t be in one.”
“I just had sex with someone who wasn’t alive during the Bicentennial.”
“OK, just to be clear, comedy with the plates will not be well-received.”

Random Friends TV Show Quotes

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Phoebe: “Good for you. That was really mature.”
Joey: “What? No. The only reason I am going to their stupid new house is so I can point out everything that’s wrong with it, so they don’t move. I am gonna make them stay here.”
Mike: “You’re a strange kind of grown-up.”
“Ooohh, I’m going to have to blow this one up and write ‘REUNITED’ in glitter.” — Janice Hosenstein
“Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick?” — Jack Geller
“I’m a young woman, I have needs.” — Janice Hosenstein
Mike: “Really, I’m a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer. Apparently, I’m not a funny guy.”
Mike (answering phone): “I’ll get it! Hello? Ross’ place. Mike speaking. It’s for you.” Ross: “I don’t understand what just happened here.”

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More Memorable Friends TV Show Quotes

“I read about all these women trying to have it all and I thank God our little Harmonica doesn’t seem to have that problem.” — Jack Geller
“I want to be buried at sea, it looks like fun.” — Jack Geller
“OHH. MYYY. GOOD.” — Janice Hosenstein
Phoebe: “But, just so you know, however, and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I’ll say yes. Whether, you know, it’s at a basketball game or in skywriting or, you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake. It’s in the cake, isn’t it?”
Mike: “Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it?”
Monica: “Now, in regards to the toasts, OK, you wanna keep them short. Nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. OK. You just get in, do your thing, and get out.”
Mike: “Is that what you say to Chandler?”
Monica: “It’s 9:01, and I am not amused.”
Rachel: “Can you take care of Emma, just for today?”
Ross: “Sure, just lend me your breasts and we’ll be on our way.”

There you go! Did you get your full of Friends tv show quotes? We sure hope they brought you back to some of your favorite episodes. The show is so endlessly quotable that it was hard to narrow this list down to 150! Here’s to Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross! May these characters’ hilarious lines stick with us forever.

Contents

1 These Friends TV Show Quotes Will Make Your Day!