A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband adopting her daughter. This mom is pregnant with her second child, but her first has a different father who has never been involved in the child’s life. This mom wants to know how she should go about helping her husband adopt her daughter. What does she need to consider in terms of the biological father’s legal rights? Does she need to contact him? Has anyone been through this?
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A member of the community asks:
“How can my husband go about adopting our daughter?
I just found out I’m pregnant with my second. My first baby does not belong to my husband, but we are planning to have him adopt her. I’m not sure what to do or how that process works. I know who the father is to her, but he left when I was two months pregnant and has not made any contact since. He’s not on her birth certificate at all. He’s not on anything of hers at all. Does he need to be contacted in order for my husband to adopt her?
If not, what happens if he decides to show up and want to be in her life? Will he need a DNA test to get custody? I’m at a loss with all the possibilities right now. My husband has raised her with me and knows him as Dad. We love her to death but aren’t sure what to do or how this works.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know How Her Husband Can Adopt Her Daughter
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Don’t complicate things. The ball is already in your court. Don’t tell the biological father you are changing her last name. If anyone asks just say you don’t know who the father is. If your biological father wanted to be in her life, he would not have abandoned her. Do what you got to do and don’t look back.”
“In PA, my husband wasn’t on my daughter’s birth certificate. I just ordered a new “corrected” birth certificate with him on it. All done via mail and about $35.”
“I would consider that maybe somewhere, sometime it may be necessary to have information on the natural father, maybe in the case of medical reason s. Your daughter may want/need to know. As much as YOU WANT to move on, and close that chapter of your life, you can NEVER DENY the history, or change it. Your daughter has rights too, even though your new man wants this, as well.
This is NOT ABOUT YOU ALONE!”
“Well, technically, if no one is on the birth certificate, he could simply certify that he’s the father and y’all could save some time and money.”
“Depends on your state. You might be able to file abandonment. But if he left when you were pregnant, he wouldn’t be on any of the paperwork and already doesn’t have rights.”
“Same situation for us, but I took the dad’s rights away when I moved to start over. After I did that then, 5 years later my husband wanted to adopt her so I got a family lawyer and we paid $5,000 and he took care of it all in a few weeks. Wouldn’t hurt to make an appointment for a lawyer and talk to him about it.”
“Would definitely contact a lawyer so you do everything correctly. I would hope that no matter what the birth certificate says that you are honest about who her bio father is. The paper doesn’t change DNA.”
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