A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband. She and her husband both work full time in addition to having a son. She says her husband believes they should split the cost of everything 50/50, and they do. But it gets more complicated because this mom says that his “50/50” attitude does not apply when it comes time to taking care of their house and child. How can she work with him on a more equitable division of labor?
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A member of the community asks:
“Should a household always be 50/50?
So my husband and I both work 40 hours a week. We both have decently straining jobs. His more physical, mine more mental. He believes we should split the bills 50/50, and we do — half on electric, gas, lease, car, down to the grocery bill. The problem is, he barely does any housework.
I’m usually the one staying up on my days off to clean everything and running around after work to keep it that way. When our son has a difficult time sleeping, I’m usually the one that stays up with him whether I have off the next day or he does. I stay up with him and try to get him to sleep; I am usually taking care of most of his needs.
Now my question is if he wants it to be 50/50 down the middle for bills, should it also be 50/50 on the house chores, and how should I approach him about him stepping up more in his son’s life? Stepping up more in the house duties, without some drastically displayed argument? TYIA.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Husband Wants to Split Costs 50/50 But Not Housework
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“That’s why it’s wrong with 50/50 in a marriage; you both need to be 100/100. You’re a team, a partnership, this splitting bills, and housework sounds like a roommate ordeal, not a marriage.”
“My man and I don’t split anything! Were a team, we share. If ever need money I know he’s got me and if he ever needs money I got him. I usually pay the bills and he pays rent but there have been times I’ve paid it all and there been times he’s paid it all. We never hold it over each other because we work together to keep our house running. I tend to do more housework but he does more of the yard maintenance. Different strategies work for different couples.”
“If he’s demanding you pay half of the bills he better help with half the cooking and housework. Period.”
“My boyfriend of 5+years works more hours than me AND makes more money than me but he works 3, sometimes 4 days a week and I usually work 5 (he works longer days) BUT he still cooks and cleans and helps with the kids. Kids that aren’t even biologically his. I don’t even have to ask. He just does it. And that is the difference between a man and a man-child…”
“I would just simply say: ‘Listen, I have no problem doing 50/50 with bills, but if we go that route then I need more help around the house and with our son. If you’d rather me keep doing housework, then let’s do 60/40 or 70/30 bill…’ It doesn’t need to a fight. State it respectfully and see how he responds.”
“He should definitely be helping around the house and with the child he helped make. My husband works 80 hours a week in a plant with no air conditioning. I work 30 hrs a week from home and take care of our child. He will still help me clean the house, do laundry, and whatever other chores need doing. Why? Because he lives here, too. His words. Your husband needs to step up.”
“He seems to be more of a roommate you take care of and don’t get paid for.. Aah the ultimate man-child. Give him a timeout.”
“Send him a bill for house cleaning and babysitting. Then you won’t feel resentful and he will have to decide how to step up. Either pay for it or work in it…
… I’m mostly kidding. Each home is different and my husband and I don’t split accounts and bills. We operate as one unit and discuss finances and household issues regularly. Not to say it’s a well-oiled machine, but I have weaknesses that he covers and I try to cover his. I cook dinner and load the washer, he puts dishes away… I dust and sweep, he does laundry… etc. To each their own, but the roommate thing is not something I’d be comfortable with.”
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