I Found Adult Toys In My 14-Year-Old Stepson’s Bedroom While Cleaning, What Should I Do?

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QUESTION: What Should I Do About My Stepson Wearing Women’s Clothing And Having Adult Toys?

“I have a stepson who is 14 years old and recently found out he dresses in female clothing. Well, today, I was cleaning and found an adult toy and lube. I am not against gay people. People are who they are, and it does not bother me at all. What does bother me is that he is 14 years old and is sexually active with the toys that I found.

If it was a female and she was doing these things, it would be completely different as he has a sister that is 16 years old. If she was sexually active, she would get the talk and everything else. With the 14-year-old, everybody is just like he is going through a phase, or they just brush it off (his grandmother, whom he is close with, and his dad). I think he is way too young for all of this. So I guess my question is: what would you all do in this situation?”

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Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“My son came out to me at 14 embrace him he needs all the love he can get. This need to be approached with love lots of it.”

“Dad says he doesn’t care. That settles it, it is his son. Not to mention, you will probably scar this poor kid, if as a stepmother you try talking to him about it. Leave him be, it is normal for teenagers to sexually explore themselves and their desires. He is doing nothing wrong and you making a big deal out of it, will make him feel like sex is wrong. As far as him wearing “female clothes”, let him. Support his choices and don’t make him feel like is wrong for that.”

“I don’t believe in coddling children so I would straight up go to him with his dildo and lube and be like “what are these for” and see what he says. Then go on to have a talk with him about sex, condoms, std’s the whole 9 yards.”

“He should be allowed privacy in his space, without judgment or criticism. The fact that you feel like it would be fine for a girl, but not him is honestly the only problem here.”

“Leave him some pamphlets on safe sex, condoms, STDs, and maybe get him a bottle of cleaner for his item. Safe sex is safe sex regardless. Don’t even have to talk about it. Leave his clothing choices up to him as it’s in private. I would def NOT tell anyone you know personally. If it were me I’d not only be furious but betrayed.”

“So his sex does NOT matter ! With that being said , you need to not make it some big gross thing. Just leave some information for him or sit him down and have the talk with him. You can not stop kids from experimenting or being sexually active but you can offer them everything they need to make healthy & safe decisions. Be his safe space. Not another person that will judge.”

“Honestly, I would tell him what you found and tell him you’re not mad or upset, but educate him about cleanliness about the toys, and if he ever wants to talk you’re always there for him.”

“Not your child. Not your place. His stuff is his, he deserves privacy. He deserves the right to choose and or experiment however he choose to.”

“Why is it ok for his sister to have toys, but not him? He’s exploring himself, leave him be.”

“No he’s not too young for all this…and leave his toys alone. It also doesn’t matter what he dresses in. Even though you say you don’t have a problem with this….I think you do. He isn’t hurting you or anyone else and he isn’t throwing his adult toys around in your face.”

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