A mother writes in looking for thoughts on the egg donor process.
A Community Member asks:
“I’m at the start of trying to find an egg donor so my eight and a half-month-old daughter can have a brother or sister. I’m reading people’s ads for donors that read more like job applications from millionaires. I think who in their right mind would want to donate to me. I’m almost 38. I’m not rich, and darn it some weekends I wear track pants and eat dinner in front of the TV.
I’m reading ads from people that have 4 – 5 children already and I’m thinking “don’t you have enough already?” Does that make me a horrible person?? And people flying overseas to pay 60 to 70 thousand dollars for a donor. Ok, that’s fine, but unless I sell my soul, I’m not going to be able to afford that ( and I’m petrified of flying anyway ). My husband and I have so much love to give, shouldn’t that be enough??“
Community Advice for the Mother Frustrated Over the Egg Donor Process
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members really pulled together and gave some comforting advice regarding the egg donor process. You can read some of these responses below.
“There are so many other ways, hun. Foster, adopt, egg adoption…don’t limit yourself to just egg donation.“
“I think your thoughts on others having enough are coming from a place of pain. I have a big family and I’m not offended. I hope you and your hubby have another baby. Some people use acupuncture for fertility issues, maybe look into it.“
“I have looked into becoming an egg donor but the criteria is just ridiculous honestly. I understand being jealous it comes from pain, it doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you human. Best of luck!“
“I’d donate some eggs to you if I wasn’t currently pregnant! But maybe in the next couple of months if you’re still looking keep me in mind.“
“Just breath and let it happen, you just never know what’s around the corner. Keep being an awesome mom and let life show you what’s in store.“
“Have you looked into donated embryos from couples that have done IVF but no longer want any more kids but still have some frozen? They give that couple a choice of donating or letting them thaw. Not sure about the parameters of that but its a thought.“
“I know it’s probably not the popular opinion but do it organically. Find a woman that has what you want in a “mother”. Have your husband do what he needs to do to make a baby. Then have the “mother” sign rights over to you and your husband as mom and dad. It might be cheaper that way too.“
“I’ve always wanted to be a donor/surrogate, I have 2 of my own and would love to give someone what I have. I know you said you have one already but two is so much more. The problem is I don’t fit all of the qualifications. If you’re in California… I’d help! We can wear track/yoga pants together and stuff our faces while watching tv on the couch haha.”
I really loved the responses and support that the community gave. Having children is a blessing no matter whether you birth, foster, or adopt them. I have always been interested in adopting, and to me, the fact that they make it so unaffordable is sad. I think many more people would adopt if it wasn’t so expensive. I know I would. I hadn’t ever heard of egg donors until recently and I think it is a great idea. I have heard that it is cheaper than IVF. That being said, from what I see, they are both very, very expensive.
I hope that with the encouragement that you received you will find comfort and maybe new ideas on what you could do next. All the best to you.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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