A pregnant mom writes in looking for thoughts on whether she should stay with her husband because she is not comfortable with him and the way he has treated her.
A Community Member asks:
“I need some advice and feel like I can’t go to ANYONE! I’m not expecting a reply… but if you can please take the time of day to reply, that would be great. I’m only 21, and my husband is 27. I’m currently pregnant, but I am regretting it now. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my emotions with him or how I feel about certain things because I’m afraid of his reaction. He has hit me in the past and choked me once during my pregnancy.
Whenever I try to encourage him to get a better job or move up in his job for the sake of our soon to come baby, he just makes me feel like crap about myself and puts me down horribly. He calls me a low life because I don’t have a job that pays 12 dollars and up. But I’m only able to work around his schedule due to us only having one car. I just don’t feel like I love him anymore. And IDK how to approach him with any of this because of how afraid I am of him. But I do want to be with him. What should I do?“
Community Advice For The Pregnant Mom Who Is Looking For Advice On Whether She Should Leave Her Husband Or Try Talking To Him
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this pregnant mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community gave great advice to one of our pregnant moms and it was pretty unanimous. Read some of these responses below.
“You want to be with him, but don’t love him? That makes no sense unless you are using him to take care of you financially. I can tell you, it’s not worth waiting for anything. Leave, go to your family until you are able to take care of yourself.”
“Get. Out. Now! Speaking from experience growing up in this environment it will only get worse. You can’t change someone and unless they are ready for change, they won’t. You have another life to look out for now…please consider leaving. If he talks to you like that, how do you think he will react to a crying baby. Heaven forbid if your baby is colicky. Good luck. You have some tough decisions to make.“
“If he has hit you once he will hit you again!! And if that’s what you want your child to see as normal since your teaching them what love is and what family does then stay but just know that at some point he will hit your child as well as you!! Life on eggshells isn’t the life to live where your afraid to speak, to have feelings, that’s not love hun. Hopefully, you’ll see it sooner than later before it’s too late.“
“You do not want to be with him. If you stay you will put your child at risk of abuse and trauma. Please don’t. I have a lot of issues from growing up in an abusive home and watching my stepdad beat the crap out of my mom, choking her until she passed out. Please do not put your child through that kind of pain.“
“Run and don’t look back for the sake of you and more importantly your child. Do you want your child growing up in that environment or being abused too? If you stay that’s exactly what life your child will have because you stayed. He could be another story on the news where a parent flipped and hurt or killed the baby.”
“Sorry to say the only future you and your unborn child will have is abuse. This abuse will be worse after your child is born. Do yourself a favor and GET OUT NOW. Cut all ties with him do not take his calls. Do not allow him to know where you are or you will live in physical abuse as well as verbal.“
When I first started to read this question, I had in mind what I was going to say. But then I read the part about hitting and choking you, and it completely changed. This is not how someone shows love. If you were with someone that really valued you and that you felt valued you would feel quite different.
If he has hit before then he will again. If you are afraid of him then you probably have good reason to. You need to find a way to safely get help. For you and for him. You and your baby do not deserve to be treated in such a way. The fact that he has hit you before you were pregnant and during your pregnancy means he could hit the baby and allowing your baby to grow up in that environment would not be healthy.
Please find help from family, friends, or from the community. You do not need to accept that treatment as normal or okay. You are worth more than that. You are not a lowlife. Have confidence in yourself and make that next step.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.