A mom writes in asking for advice about her in-laws. She says her husband’s family is constantly insulting and criticizing her. They told her she was lazy for sitting on the couch just two weeks after giving birth. They called her names. Her mother-in-law even told her to make a will because if she didn’t, the mother-in-law would fight this mom’s parents for custody of the kids in the event of her death. She adds that her husband refuses to help and has even told her that if she says anything negative about his family, he doesn’t see their marriage working. What should she do?
A member of the community asks:
“My in-laws constantly talk badly about me and my husband does nothing about it: Advice?”
“I don’t know what to do about my in-laws. My husband’s parents are very mean to me and criticize me for everything. They just told my husband how lazy I am because when they visited, I sat on the couch a lot, but I just gave birth to my second son two weeks prior? And they said they had come to help. They called me horrible names and everything else under the sun. His mother said I need to make a will because if I didn’t, she would fight my parents for the kids because she can’t stand my family.
My husband says he can’t control them but says I’m not allowed to even think anything negative of them, let alone say it, and as long as I’m negative, he doesn’t see our marriage working. What should I do? Is my marriage even worth saving? He says I’m letting his parents in our marriage too much, but I don’t know how to stop. They are so mean.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose In-Laws Are Verbally and Emotionally Abusive Towards Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Honestly, it seems like he has pretty solidly picked a side here. If he can’t even defend the mother of his two-week-old baby, I don’t see the behavior changing at all for the better.”
“In-laws should not be involved in your marriage. If your husband won’t stand up to his parents for the way they treat you he is no better then them. It will not get any better. Your kids do not need to be around so much negativity.”
“I’d make the WILL and make sure if something ever happens those toxic in-laws don’t get to even pass their shadow over my kids. And all I can say about your hubby is if you can’t communicate and know he has your back, you’re in a sham of a relationship/marriage already.”
“Get your ducks in a row, first. Prepare to leave, because they are going to come after your child. Make sure you are ready, and then leave.”
“Leave. He will never see your point and it’s not worth it. I was my ex for 12 years and dealt with the same thing! They falsely called cps so many times that eventually they were told charges would be pressed if they did it again. He never did or said anything about it! Worst 12 years of my life! If he doesn’t respect you enough to stand up to them now after you just gave birth he never will and it WILL get worse.”
“Tell your husband either he stands up for you or you do it yourself and leave. He obviously doesn’t respect you if he’s letting his parents speak to you that way in your own home.”
“Any man that would not stick up for you to his parents isn’t worth having. Just my opinion.”
“Then they no longer see you or any kids. And he needs to get backbone because he’s going to wind up alone and miserable with his miserable parents. Start documenting all of the abuse and back it up in different areas that he doesn’t have access, make sure you have your important papers (BC/SScard/ tax information) so you can file when ready. He’s already told you which side he chose and it’s not you and the kids.”
“It sounds like your in-laws are very toxic and your husband is just as toxic for siding with them and holding a double standard. He allows them to be horrible to you, but demands that you not even think negatively about them? That’s unacceptable. I would be prepared to leave this ‘man’ and not have that be the example being set for your child…
… It’s not good to have a child grow up seeing that it’s okay to treat someone so negatively and demand their silence. It’s also not good for a child to grow up seeing the other parent remain voiceless and degraded. In my opinion, you should demand that he change his ways immediately, or move on with your life separate from him.”
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