Little Johnny jokes have been a staple of comedy for generations. These jokes often center around a mischievous young boy named Johnny, who gets into all sorts of trouble and says inappropriate and hilarious things. While the origins of these jokes are unclear, they have become a beloved part of pop culture, with countless variations and adaptations over the years, including from countries without an English-speaking majority. In Italy, for instance, you will find the same character, but he goes by the name Pierino.
In this blog post, we will explore our favorite Little Johnny jokes, their enduring popularity, and some of the best examples from over the years. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh as we dive into the world of Little Johnny jokes!
A Long Way
Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 miles, miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
Teacher: “What a strange pair of socks, Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red.”
Johnny: “Yes, it is very strange. I have another pair at home exactly the same.”
A Charismatic Dog
Teacher: “Johnny! Your essay on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your sister’s! Did you just copy hers?”
Johnny: “No, teacher, it is the same dog!”
Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher’s long and dull sermon as it drags on and on…
Unable to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers, “Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”
Don’t Be Alarmed
Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. He walks up to her and says, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody will get a spanking!”
Teacher: “Now, Little Johnny, be honest. Do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny: “No, miss, my mother is a really good cook.”
Teacher: “Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?”
Little Johnny: “A teacher, miss.
Teacher: “Little Johnny, how do you spell ‘elephant?'”
Little Johnny: “E-L-E-F-A-N-T”
Teacher: “No, Johnny, that is incorrect.”
Johnny: “Maybe it is wrong, Miss, but you asked how I spell it.”
Teacher: “Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter I.”
Little Johnny: “I is…”
Teacher interrupts: “No, Johnny, always say “I am.”
Little Johnny: “Okay, Miss… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Johnny: “Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?”
Dad: “No, son, why do you ask?”
Johnny: “Well, where did you find our mummy?”
Teacher: “Little Johnny, you are late to class again.”
Johnny: “But miss, you said it is never too late to learn.”
Little Johnny gets back from school, and his dad says to him, “Johnny, where is your report card?”
Johnny replies, “Sorry, dad, I don’t have it.”
His father is furious and says, “Why not?”
Johnny replies, “I lent it to my friend; he wanted to scare his parents.”
Cuts Both Ways
Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny’s dad to report that Johnny has been misbehaving at school. His dad says to the teacher, “Hang on a minute. I had Johnny at home with me for two months, and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved.”
Teacher: “If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats, and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples, and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now, if I gave you two cats, and another two cats, and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
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The Maid Said What?
Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. His mother refuses, and Johnny says, “If you give me $20, I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping.”
Johnny’s mother says, “Oaky, Johnny, here is 20 dollars. Now, what did your father say to the maid?”
Johnny replies, “Hey Doris, can you make sure that I have a clean shirt for tomorrow.”
During a concert, little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.
A friend asks, “Johnny, how did you get a concert ticket?”
Johnny replies, “I got a ticket from my sister.”
The friend asks, “And where is your sister?”
Johnny says, “Back at home, looking for her ticket.”
Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. While his mom is putting away the groceries, she sees that little Johnny has taken a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the kitchen table. His mother asks, “What on earth are you doing, Johnny?”
Johnny replies, “The box says that you shouldn’t eat them if the seal is broken. I am looking for the broken seal.”
Some of the older neighborhood boys have been making fun of little Johnny lately. Their latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Johnny always takes the nickel, and the older boys laugh at him.
One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches little Johnny and says, “Those boys are making fun of you, Johnny. Don’t you realize that a dime is bigger than a nickel?”
Johnny smiles and says, “Yes, I realize that, but if I took the dime, they would stop doing it, and I am up 20 bucks so far!”
Teacher: “Now, class, stop acting silly and start behaving. God is everywhere, you know.”
Bobby: “Is God in this classroom right now?”
Teacher: “Yes, Bobby.”
Jenny: “Is God outside in the playground?”
Teacher: “Yes, Jenny.”
Johnny: “Is God in my back garden?”
Teacher: “Yes, Johnny.”
Johnny: “But I don’t have a back garden, miss.”
Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny making faces at another child. She starts to talk sternly to little Johnny and says, “Johnny, when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”
Little Johnny looks up at her and says, “Well, miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”
A Rude Welcome
A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learned at university. She tells the children, “Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up now.”
After a little while, Johnny stands up.
The teacher asks him, “Why did you stand up, Johnny? Do you really think you are stupid?”
Johnny replies, “No, Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself.”
Little Johnny asks his teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
The teacher is shocked. “Of course not, Johnny! That would be very unfair!” she replies.
Johnny is relieved. “That’s good to know,” he says, “Because I haven’t done my homework.”
A Heavenly Gift
Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. He asked his parents where they got him from.
“Oh, we got him straight from heaven,” they replied.
“Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there,” Johnny said.
Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Johnny: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Johnny: “And you don’t know my father!”
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Little Johnny Is a Big Deal
Teacher: “Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?”
Little Johnny: “Me!”
Aren’t these little Johnny jokes just the best? We hope you enjoyed them as much as we did! For more jokes, keep reading we;ve got a bunch of dog jokes to share with you as well.
Cute Dog Jokes
- After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody? You got a friend in me.
- Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite? Bloodhounds.
- What happens when a dog loses its tail? It must go to a retail store to find a new one.
Witty Dog Jokes
- When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him? Mustard. It’s the best thing for hot dogs.
- Why do dogs like conjunctions in English class? Because dogs like buts.
- What kind of dog consumes food with its ears? All of them. When was the last time you saw a dog remove its ears before eating?
Fun Dog Jokes
- Why do dogs love Redwood trees? They have the biggest bark.
- Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer.
- What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver.
Droll Dog Jokes
- What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their dinner? Bon appetite!
- What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster? He was Terrier-fied.
- Why did the two-legged dog come to an abrupt stop? It had two paws.
Great Dog Jokes for Kids
- What did the dog who sat on sandpaper say? Ruff! Ruff!
- Why are dogs terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.
- What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise? Flea markets.
More Dog Jokes for Kids
- Why was the dog stealing shingles? He wanted to become a woofer!
- What breed of dog goes after anything that is red? Bulldogs.
- What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
Ridiculous Dog Jokes
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen? Inkspots.
- Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him. I suppose it makes sense. He is pure bread.
- When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get? A lot of trouble with your postman.
Unbeatable Dog Jokes
- Where do dogs park their cars? In the barking lot.
- What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs? It doesn’t matter. It still won’t come no matter what you call it.
- What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Dumb Dog Jokes
- When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get? A croaker spaniel.
- What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery? A short circuit.
- Why do dogs like to bury their bones in the ground? Because they can’t be buried in trees.
Irreverant Dog Jokes
- What did one flea say to the other? Should we walk, or just take the dog?
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion? All we know is that you won’t be getting any mail.
- How are dog catchers in the UK paid? By the pound.
Far-Fetched Dog Jokes
- Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road? She was littering.
- Why did the woman make pancakes for her dog? The dog did not know how.
- What do you get when you cross an aggressive dog with a computer? A lot of bites.
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Dad Dog Jokes
- What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cocker-poodle-doo!
- Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny? They’re all too short.
- What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school? Their masters.
Cheerful Dog Jokes
- What is a pug’s favorite autumnal beverage? Pug-kin spice lattes.
- How do you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving? Put him in the front seat so he can bark there.
- Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple? A New Yorkie.
Punny Dog Jokes
- What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie? Press the paws button.
- Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores? To the lab for testing.
- What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold? A chili dog.
Amusing Dog Jokes
- What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog? Join the bark side.
- What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Whatever you want as long as you do so quietly.
- What do chemists’ dogs do with their bones? They barium!
Laughable Dog Jokes
- What breed of dog can jump higher than a building? All breeds can because buildings can’t jump!
- What do you call a dog that can’t bark? A hushpuppy.
- Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse? It was a dog and pony show.
Waggish Dog Jokes
- How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None. They are all on the outside.
- What do dogs like to eat at the movie theaters? Pupcorn.
- What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
Hysterical Dog Jokes
- What could be more incredible than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
- Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade? Because he was a hot dog.
- What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Bad Dog Jokes
- Why do dogs like to run in circles? Because it’s really hard to run in squares.
- When you cross a sheepdog with a rose, what do you get? A collie-flower.
- What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf.
RELATED: Tell Me a Joke – 200+ Silly Jokes
Our Favorite Dog Jokes
- What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show.
- What did the man name his two watchdogs? Rolex and Timex.
- What do my dog and phone have in common? They both have collar ID
Andrew is an Assistant Editor for Mamas Uncut with over ten years of experience as a writer in the creative, marketing, and blogging spaces. After studying Film and Art History, he developed a passion for telling stories in a variety of mediums. Obsessively making lists, reporting celebrity news, and diving into emerging pop cultural topics are a few of his interests.
- 1 A Long Way
- 2 Pairings
- 3 A Charismatic Dog
- 4 An Offering
- 5 Don’t Be Alarmed
- 6 Fortunate
- 7 Johnny Knows
- 8 Semantics
- 9 The Ninth
- 10 Great Question
- 11 Truth
- 12 Scary Stuff
- 13 Cuts Both Ways
- 14 Counting Cats
- 15 The Maid Said What?
- 16 The Ticket
- 17 Safety First
- 18 The Entrepreneur
- 19 Praise Him
- 20 Yikes
- 21 A Rude Welcome
- 22 Well, Okay
- 23 A Heavenly Gift
- 24 $1
- 25 Little Johnny Is a Big Deal
- 26 Cute Dog Jokes
- 27 Witty Dog Jokes
- 28 Fun Dog Jokes
- 29 Droll Dog Jokes
- 30 Great Dog Jokes for Kids
- 31 More Dog Jokes for Kids
- 32 Ridiculous Dog Jokes
- 33 Unbeatable Dog Jokes
- 34 Dumb Dog Jokes
- 35 Irreverant Dog Jokes
- 36 Far-Fetched Dog Jokes
- 37 Dad Dog Jokes
- 38 Cheerful Dog Jokes
- 39 Punny Dog Jokes
- 40 Amusing Dog Jokes
- 41 Laughable Dog Jokes
- 42 Waggish Dog Jokes
- 43 Hysterical Dog Jokes
- 44 Bad Dog Jokes
- 45 Our Favorite Dog Jokes
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