A pregnant mom writes in feeling angry and bitter because she is actively miscarrying and instead of getting the sympathy and encouragement she needs, her mother-in-law is getting it.
A Community Member asks:
“Am I wrong for being bitter? I am having an active miscarriage. If I haven’t fully miscarried by Monday, I will have to have a D&C done due to being in premature labor for a week now. My mother in law is getting ALL of the sympathies. Everyone is telling her, “I’m praying for you & your son,” as if she’s the one still carrying her dead daughter. It makes me so upset that more people are concerned about her than the ones actually going through it. She hasn’t even asked how I am doing. Am I wrong for feeling this way?“
Community Advice For The Pregnant Mom That Has Suffered A Miscarriage And Feels Bitter
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community moms had so much comfort to give to this mother suffering a miscarriage, by way of personal experience and just encouraging words. You can read some of these kind words below.
“My heart goes out to you. I just had my second in November, and no one but my husband and I knew about it, so it was very hard not having a support system. Life is short, don’t hide your feelings about this. Tell her how you feel, that you are hurt, upset, angry.. tell your husband and have him talk to her as well about this. She sounds very narcissistic.“
“Hugs. You are going through the worst pain imaginable. I have been there. People aren’t always thinking when they say things. I know it is in fact you who is having the hardest time. You are literally in hell, yes literally, and you need as many hugs and sympathy as possible but it will never fully end the pain. I feel for you, you are not alone and my heart weeps for you.”
“My daughter died when I was 6 months pregnant. You are hurting, she’s hurting, your husband is hurting. It’s a loss and even though it physically happened to you, everyone around you is grieving. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss… Lean on one another right now… you ALL need each other.”
“I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve lost 2. It’s a terrible hurt beyond words. It would be all too easy to lash out right now in the midst of your grief. I know from my own experiences. Honor your baby. It’s ok to feel how you feel. Sending you lots of love and deepest sympathies.“
“No, you are definitely NOT wrong. While she is grieving too. YOU are the mom who is losing a child. My only son was killed last month and even though my MIL lost a grandchild I am the mom who lost her child. PLEASE stand up for yourself if your spouse is not. And remember you have the right to feel whatever you are feeling. My prayers are with you.“
“I think you need to cut the mil some slack…she is not responsible for how others word it.. and I can imagine she is feeling very helpless and wishes she could help you more…as for not asking are you ok that’s dumb the lady knows you are not ok sweetie. I really feel for you but don’t take it on the people you will need to help get you through this xx.”
The love and kind words of the community were overwhelming. It is sad how many women have experienced a miscarriage. At the same time, it shows you are not alone in your grief. So many women know exactly how you are feeling.
Grief takes on many faces and anger is one of them. I don’t know if your mother-in-law is really insensitive or if she is having trouble with processing her own pain. Sometimes in grief, we don’t know how to comfort others. You in no way are wrong for feeling bitter or even feeling bitter to others around you. I remember feeling the same way when my mother died. I was angry that people seemed not to care about my pain. I think it is a normal process of grief. The world keeps on going when your world has stopped dead in its tracks.
I am so sorry for your pain. Try to grieve with your husband and lean on each other. This will help you deal with your own pain. Express your feelings and don’t feel guilty but in doing so just remember that most likely your own grief and pain could be clouding your own judgment. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt and if possible maybe take a break from being around her until you feel you are ready.
Our hearts go out to you. Reach out to the community mothers and get your comfort where you can find it and know that you are not alone.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.