A mom writes in looking for advice because she feels guilty for leaving her sick kids all day, while she works and goes on a date.
A Community Member asks:
“So today is my husband and mine’s first anniversary. Both of our kids (2 and 3) are sick right now, so they’re staying with grandparents instead of going to preschool for the day because we both work. We had planned to go to dinner tonight and to a spa (we would be gone for about 3 hours), picking them up at 8:45 pm. I am feeling extremely guilty about leaving them for the entire day. I am going to go bring them their medicines before dinner then leave again.
I feel terrible. I want to cancel our date, but my husband gets irritated with my constant anxiety and guilt. I work all day tomorrow from 7 am-7:30 pm because I am a nurse. So I won’t see them all day tomorrow either. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do or any encouragement?“
Community Advice For The Mom Who Feels Guilty For Leaving Her Sick Kids To Go On A Date Night
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members were unanimous in their opinion that this mom should not feel guilty. You can read some of the responses below.
“Grandma is going to absolutely spoil them, it’s going to give you some relaxation and intimate time with your husband, which in turn will leave you more energized to take better care of them. You already have plans and it would hurt my husband’s feelings if I canceled a date because the kids have a little cold when they have their grandparents to take care of them. It’s not like they’re having surgery or are terminally ill and they won’t ever remember it. Have a good time with your hubby.”
“Your kids are only young once. They are sick. Stay home with them and get snuggles and love on them instead of going out. You will have plenty of time to go out when they are older.“
“You must remember to be alone with the husband…it will hurt the relationship if you don’t. You two need to reconnect and remember the romance and to be a couple. The kids will be fine. Their grandparents raised kids….so they know what they are doing, and if they need you, they can call. Don’t stay at home. Go celebrate with your husband. Tonight is all about you and your hubby.“
“First of all, it’s completely normal for a good mom to worry about her Cubs. I agree with most of the comments. Gram is probably the most qualified caregiver next to you. The one on one time with your hubby is oh so important. Have faith in grandma. Know that she will call if anything happens. Yes, it’s a long stretch, especially when they are sick, but they will be alright. Try to enjoy a little time with your guy. I’m sure you both need that little break.“
“Go enjoy yourself. Sometimes you have to have some time for yourself. It’s not just helping you but makes you a more happy person which ends up being good for your kiddos. It doesn’t sound like you get to very often and you have a busy schedule. Go have fun, momma! When you get back cuddle them, babies!“
Sometimes I think guilt is found under the word “mom” in the dictionary. As moms, we always feel guilty when we choose what we perceive as ourselves, over our children. I know for myself I always felt guilty when I was out doing something for myself, especially if they were sick or hurt themselves. What is interesting though, is that they won’t remember those times when you go out. What they will remember are your love, cuddles, and your kisses. Take that time for you and your husband because if you aren’t happy, if your marriage isn’t good, they will remember that more.
Another option is to have a date night in. You could plan a special date after the kids are in bed for the night. A special dinner, a favorite movie or tv program that you can watch together. Make your night in memorable. Sometimes those are the most special nights. Whatever you choose to do, don’t let guilt be the persuading factor.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.