A mom writes in asking for advice about dealing with mom guilt. She says she feels guilty about having a second baby so soon after her first. Her first child, a daughter, is her “best friend” and is only 20 months old. She is due to have her second in a month. She is worried the new baby will negatively affect her relationship with her daughter. Her second child was unplanned, she says, and she only wishes she had more time one-on-one with her daughter. Is it normal to feel this guilty?
A member of the community asks:
“I feel guilty about having another baby: Thoughts?
I feel really guilty about having another baby. I have a 20-month-old daughter, and I’m due in a month with my son. I’m excited and happy about having another child, but there are times where I get really upset and feel guilty about having another one so soon.
My daughter is my best friend, and she’s very clingy to me, and I don’t want her to feel replaced or like I don’t love her as much anymore. My son was unplanned, and I wish I had more time with it, just my daughter getting my attention. Is it normal to feel guilty?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Feels Guilty About Having a Second Baby So Soon After Her First
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I feel like this is a completely normal feeling and once your baby is born, it’ll go away.”
“Understandable but don’t feel guilty. Think of it this way, you’ll see your daughter become a big sister and that is wonderful. There’s always enough of mom’s love to go around.”
“I cried when I found out I was pregnant with my second child because I didn’t think I’d be able to love him as much as I did the first one (5 years between them so I don’t think it matters how close in age they are) and it made me feel SO guilty but then he was born and it just adds to the love that already exists. No worries. It will be great!!!!”
“Very normal. What I did was I took my oldest son to the store with me. I let him look around but not get anything. Later on that day I went go back to the store and bought the toy he wanted. I wrapped it up and I told him it was from his little brother( the baby in my tummy) he was so surprised and happy. He still talks about it to this day.”
“It’s normal. I felt the same way with my kids. Just make special time for your daughter when you can and let her know she is still loved as much as she always was.”
“I felt sooooo guilty before having my second with the same concerns. But seeing the way my daughter glued herself to her baby brother made it all melt away. I just make sure to have some time with her alone too~ it’s easier than you think! You’ll do good, you’re a good mama for worrying about this stuff. Your kids will be absolutely fine.”
“Of course it’s okay to feel like this. Completely normal. It’s a worry you’ll change your feelings about your daughter or not love your son enough. Your love won’t change. You just realize you had it in your heart to also love another child the same amount. Just think how in the end you with have two little best friends and all the stuff you can do. Your daughter will love being a big sister…
… Encourage her to help. Get her a dolly and you can do everything together still. It’ll be a huge bonding experience for her being involved with everything and giving her a life long best friend to play with. Dressing up becomes even more fun! It can be so amazing. You can still do so much together. Get a baby carrier or sling and then you’ll have your hands free for her times when baby is cuddly. Get her helping get nappies and wipes ready for changes. Included in Bath times and she can choose outfits for baby to wear daily. It’ll be adorable. Make a huge fuss about her becoming a big sister. It’ll be wonderful.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.