A mom writes in asking for advice about her relationship with her partner, the father of her children. She is due to deliver their second child soon, but this mom may be done with the relationship. She says her partner is no help with their first child, does nothing around the house, and can be verbally abusive. This mom wants to know if it would be best to end the relationship before the baby comes or let the baby come… and see if things get better.
A member of the community asks:
“I cannot stand the father of my children anymore: Advice?
I need help! I’m due to have my second baby in a couple of weeks and have grown the hate my children’s father! He works full time and I stay home with our daughter and his older son! He does nothing around the house but play video games and belittle me! It has been almost 2 days since he has said a nice word to me! Should I leave before I have my son and be alone at the hospital or try and wait it out and see if things might improve after the stress of being pregnant is over?
I’m so tired of the constant name-calling and saying he hates it here and so on! I am 100% dependent on him because he didn’t want me going back to work after our daughter was born so I lost my job of 3 years which I loved and can’t ever find a sitter that wants to watch both children! His son’s mom is an addict and not in the picture so he would have no one to care for him other than his dad if I left!”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Wondering If She Should Leave Her Partner Before Their Baby Comes or Try to Stick It Out
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I’d leave. Maybe that’s just me though. Pregnancy isn’t stressful a newborn is stressful.”
“Well, I can tell you right now that it will not get any better and may end up getting worse because once that baby is born you really aren’t gonna have a lot of time for cooking and cleaning with already having your daughter to take care of plus his kid….”
“No man should be calling you names. Especially when you care for the house and his children, clean and cook the entire family meals. You are also pregnant and should be taken care of. You sacrifice a lot mama and shouldn’t deal with that. On another note — he works full time and probably has a lot of load on him too. Understandably. Have you talked to him? Are there other things that go along with this? Alcohol dependency? Suggest that he get counseling, or that you both get counseling even couples counseling. It’s a hard thing to accept but if he flat out fights it and refuses for too long then you have to do what’s best for you and your babies. They shouldn’t see mom being called names, belittled, and treated like a housemaid. I’m proud of you. You are strong and resilient. You will succeed and find happiness. Reach out to me if you want to talk, I could use a friend as well. Sending you love and lots of prayers.”
“I would wait until after you have your baby. That’s what I would do personally. Pregnancy is stressful and you do get more worked up about things that wouldn’t normally bother you much or at all. I would personally wait.”
“I’d leave. If the children are hearing and seeing… you’re supposed to protect them from abuse, and that’s abuse sweetie, not saying anything about your mothering, just a fact.”
“His behaviour says he doesn’t respect how you feel nor does he care, so if I were you after the baby’s born and I’m healed, I’ll move on and out, let him find a sitter that’s not your problem. Your sanity should mean the most to you and staying in a bad relationship ‘because of the kids’ does more damage than good.”
“If you think he’s going to start saying nice things to you after giving birth you are nuts! Leave NOW!”
“Do you have a place to go? If yes then go!”
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